Then, pushed by my 18 year old, I started dating again. I had three first dates with forgettable men, and the fourth was the right one. I slept with him on our second night and every night since (four months and counting).

It WILL happen for you, I promise. Maybe it already has. I hope so.

I don’t know what it’s like to lose a loved one like that, but I would echo the caution offered earlier in the thread. Matters of the heart are seldom uncomplicated, and remember that the other party (even if they are willing to engage in a no-ties relationship) may not be able to keep it at that. Sympathy is the key to the heart of a lot of men (at least the good ones).

It sure would make pounding (too graphic?) out the ground rules much more comfortable to discuss for the first time.

For the record, I may have crossed a similar bridge with a friend, with the small assistance of another good friend, Jack. Daniels. It didn’t last forever, but it isn’t wierd between us even after the benefits ended.

Your daughter may still be in mourning, herself. While I haven’t experienced anything like this myself, a very dear friend lost her dad almost ten years ago. She was still hurting and mourning when her mom saw a date in someone a couple years later and at the time… well she did not appreciate this change. Not to say it’s something you ever “get over,” but maybe yours is too? Like my friend did, yours will (should) comes to terms with and understand that you want to feel loved and be held, too (even if it is just for the night ~.^).

They want you to be happy too, even your 18 y/o.

Sorry for your loss, thank you for your strength in sharing.

Like dava’s father, mine is still going out with these crazies and says he will never have another love like my mother.

He did ask me after the relationship with the lady he moved in to our place was over how I felt. I told him exactly how I felt, it was a bit weird, but I knew he needed someone in his life.

Kids are often (and this term is totally for lack of a better term because I can’t think due to lack of caffeine) more mature than we give them credit for. They can be very insightful and your fiercest protectors.

Take care of yourself. Your kids will be okay.

Dava – Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments and for sharing your experience with loss. It is especially helpful to hear your perspective as a daughter. I think mine will eventually understand.

Dammit.

My dad is still dating a series of what we call his “crazy women” because, he says he will never find another person he loves like he loved my mom. He says, “you only get that once – and only if you are lucky.”

Try not to worry so much about how your children will feel. They are more resilient and understanding than you know. Take care of you.

Thanks for sharing such a difficult situation and best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

Shit! I’m better being the dirty girl I am. If I were having a glass of wine with you I would hug you and say lets hire you the guy from “Hung”. I know immature

But in response to your question – I would say if you have a clear understanding with your friend, in my eyes it would work out, at least temporarily. There is however no guarantee what happens after that. Matters of the heart are rarely uncomplicated.

I hope you keep us posted.