How I Tried To Sell My Panties Online

Selling my panties(Mom, this is your official warning: if last week’s confession didn’t do it already, you will not be proud of me anymore after reading this. But really mom, when you look at it, this is kind of your fault for not raising me better. I am just saying.)

I caught the Craigslist fever a couple of years ago. It was just around this same time of year and I was in a total panic about how we would pay for Christmas and make our mortgage payments and everything, and so to raise a little extra Christmas cashola, I started looking around the house for stuff I could sell on Craigslist.

And somehow—I don’t know how this happened—I wound up cruising the sex stuff for random perverts to laugh at by complete accident.

And I came across this ad:

Looking for a little extra cash for the holidays? I’m a nice, normal guy (good looking) with a panty fetish. I’ll buy your panties for $25.

Deprived of my use of reason for fear that Santa might skip our house, and I’d wind up giving my daughter like, I don’t know, diapers and heat for Christmas, I mulled it over briefly and figured “why the fuck not?”

So I respond to the ad.

I was a desperate woman.

SHUT.

UP.

Panties? I have some panties, and I hate doing laundry. Maybe we could help each other out.

And then he requested my picture and that seemed reasonable enough so I emailed an old one that didn’t even look like me.

And then I got this message back:

Did you grow up in [insert town I actually did grow up in]?

JESUSCHRISTGODANDFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!

A wave of intense nausea came over me, the computer screen went fuzzy, and all I could think was holyshitholyshitholyshit just like that, over and over again as I freaked the fuck out. I studied the initials in his email address and realized that I knew him. Not only did I know him, but he was so cute in High School and very popular and he was on the football team and I had an enormous crush on him. Of course, just like all the other boys, he was a total wanker toward me…

and now he’s trying to buy my underpanties!

Screaming, I immediately dove to the floor and hid under my desk in a desperate attempt to hide from my email, but that wasn’t a safe enough distance. I ran downstairs and literally rolled myself into my living room rug. Still screaming, I unrolled enough to reach a hand out for the phone and dialed my friend Valerie from high school.  I told her the whole story and she about peed her pants (in her defense, she was pregnant at the time) laughing so hard and she was certainly crying tears of supreme glee because not only is her BFF the victim of her own jackassery, but Mr. All-American Boy is a big panty sniffer!

Hahahahahahaha!  Awesome!

That was probably the best Christmas present I could have given her.

You’re welcome, Valerie.

Hilarity and humiliation aside though?

The next question was WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO NOW?

Naturally, I didn’t want to confirm his suspicions about my identity, so Val and I agreed that the only thing to do was say nothing, send the panties, and never ever speak of this most unfortunate encounter again.  That seemed like a Very Good Plan, or, at least it did until he emailed me a description of what he wanted the panties to be like.

As if this whole thing wasn’t horrifying enough, did you know that there are actual people out there who will pay money for DIRTY underwear? With, like, three days worth of “essence of woman” as he called it, dried on them? Eeewwwww!!!

I sure as hell hope my “essence” isn’t smegma.

And here comes the part where everyone is all, “what did you think he wanted, asshat?” All I can say in my defense is that I can be sort of naive about things, and I just thought he was just some lonely fat guy living in his mom’s basement and maybe he never had a lady friend and I don’t know. I thought maybe it was just the idea that someone had been wearing them and so I thought I’d send him some that had been ahem, gently used, and that would be good and that I’d actually be doing something nice for him. They’d just smell of body lotion or something and not be a freaking bio hazard!!!

Needless to say, I backed out of the deal realfuckinquick because sending off my DNA? is not at all what I thought I’d be doing.

What makes this story even more uncomfortable, if that’s even possible, is that I knew the girl he wound up marrying.  She was always a very nice person, and I know she would not be okay with knowing her husband is buying icky underpants from strangers on the Internet, requesting they be sent in a plain brown envelope, and doing GOD KNOWS WHAT with them. I mean, what do people do with them? Do they jerk off on them?  Do they wear them on their heads? Do they try them on? Do they–oh my goodness–sniff and LICK THEM?

I’m not really sure I want to know.

One thing I do know is that sometimes the universe whispers to you, sometimes it shouts, and sometimes it beats you over the head with your high school yearbook and says “DO NOT SELL YOUR PANTIES ON CRAIGSLIST, MORON!”

Holy shit.

I guess the only good thing about this experience is that it’s nice to find out that people who were assholes in school grew up to be even bigger assholes, like the snotty cheerleader who’s now the proud mother of a crack baby, or that Mr. All-American Boy is a panty sniffer who keeps lots of secrets from his wife (who deserves better).

I want to hear your thoughts on this. Tell me I’m a dumbass, tell me if you’d want to know if your husband was a panty sniffer, tell me about something really stupid you’ve done for a little extra holiday cash, tell me you don’t own underwear… Whatever, just speak to me, people!

Congratulations Crissy for being chosen as a BlogHer Voice of the Year for this post!!

Error: Unable to create directory uploads/2014/04. Is its parent directory writable by the server? About The Queen Of Everything

Crissy,a lifelong Rhode Islander, is 35 and has two little girls. Aside from doing a little bit of writing here and there, she doesn’t use a shred of her MA in English. She writes a blog where she is Queen of *&%$#@* Everything and reigns over her readers, whom she calls Queefs, with a loving but firm hand. In both 2008 and 2009 Crissy won the Blogger’s Choice Award for Hottest Mommy Blogger. In 2010, Crissy was chosen as one of Blogher's voices of the year.

Comments

  1. Hahahahaha…. Oh God, I can’t believe this actually happened to you. It’s like the worst internet-nightmare come true…
    Anyhow, I could have been on your shoes at some point, meaning trying to sell some panties for some little cash, but first, only $25? Cmon! That’s just not enought to go through the hassle of it.
    Anyhow, I live in a tiny country, where believe it or not, everybody knows someone you know, and besides being a small country, it’s a small latinamerican country (where everyone gossips). This translates not only that the one time you decide to do something out of the box (whether it is to die your hair blue, have sex in the bathroom at a party, or anything out of the ordinary) everyfuckingone finds out.
    That being said I’ve never really heard of any panty-sniffers in this town… mhh, maybe I’ll have to ask around, just out of curiosity… :-P

  2. I have to start with- that is hi-freaking-larious!!!!
    I do own panties, but I only wear them a few days a month.
    As for desperate things I’ve done for holiday cash, that’s easy. I’m a Lit major in grad school and, just as it implies, I write damn good papers. As an undergrad, I funded an entire christmas by writing papers for my peers on everything from Staging Shakespeare to the symbolism of the rainbow in The Wizard of Oz. I even earned my husband an English scholarship. Yeah, I’m pretty fabulous.

  3. What makes you think his wife is unaware of his fetish? Maybe she shares it?

  4. HAHAHAHAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! THAT IS SO FUCKING FUNNY YET DISTRUBING AT THE SAME TIME. And, you know, I would never be brash enough to sell ANY of my panties to ANYONE (they’ve got holes in them for Christssake), but if I WAS I would never have thought about the DNA scenario. Good thinkin O.o
    That’s totally creepy… what if he would take them home and, like, LICK them and stuff? I wonder if he licks his wife’s underwear.

  5. That was a GREAT story. I used to sell my old Hooters uniforms on eBay and would receive requests for them to be “dirty” or “freshly worn”. I loved the sniff and lick them comments – and yes they do. I have even known men I’ve dated to smell and yes, even lick my underwear.

    • Why is it creepy. Having a panty fetish isn’t really that rare.. I can think of things that are much worse.

      So a guy is turned on by a pretty girls panties, so what.

  6. Error: Unable to create directory uploads/2014/04. Is its parent directory writable by the server? Toy With Me says:

    Nasty but HIL-AR-I-OUS! I would have sent him my “Aunt Flo” panties. You know the ones with the holes and the permanently stained crotch? The ones you don’t care about if the dog steals them from the laundry basket because you only wear them when Aunt Flo pays a visit.

  7. While I am pretty sure no one would want my panties even if I had them (I haven’t owned panties in a very long time, I have alternative undergarments… that sounds all anarchist and all but it’s pretty boring in reality and no… I do not mean adult diapers) I would be pretty freaked out by someone wanting to procure them for whatever nefarious (and face it, pantysniffing is a little nefarious) purposes.

    Plus, even with the plain brown envelope, at SOME point the wife is gonna come across the stash and figure out that these are not her panties and probably have a hissy fit.

    But, I suppose explaining “I buy used panties” is better/easier than explaining “I buy $2 whores”… Depending on his other traits, that may or may not be a dealbreaker (the used panties… $2 whores are an automatic “get out and never again darken my doorstep”).

  8. I truly think your only mistake was responding to an ad in your local craigslist… you would have been totally safe if you had looked in sex ads on the other side of the country… and you would have had an extra $25 bucks (minus shipping and handling)!

  9. C is a genius.

    Also, a question…is this just a male thing, or are there women out there wanting to scratch n’ sniff some panties too? Because I’m pretty sure that my panties are bicurious…

  10. So, what you’re saying is that you know this dude? Oh man. This is awkward. I’d never have sold my panties to someone you know, Crissy!!! Shitballs.

  11. This is so perfect! My boyfriend has (jokingly? seriously?) suggested that I sell my panties on craigslist for a little extra cash, and it WOULD be just my luck that I’d wind up selling them to a colleague or a high school crush! Thank you, thank you, thank you for experiencing this humility in my stead. It would appear that I owe you a drink in gratitude.

  12. Error: Unable to create directory uploads/2014/04. Is its parent directory writable by the server? Toy With Me says:

    C – I see a sudden influx of panties for sale on Craigslist now.

    rachel – bicurious panties – hehe

  13. I have a trio of interesting stories for you.

    1.) Among my insane amounts of sketchy jobs, I boast the title of personal assistant to a reality show winner-turned-stripper (well, she was a stripper the whole time, but that doesn’t sound as cool).

    Apparently there is a bustling trade amongst…er…”certain” types of dancers wherein they sell their panties with the crotch boasting a mixture of a drop of fish oil, a smudge of unscented lotion, and a light dusting of cornstarch on said smudge. Allow to dry, slip in a ziploc, send to panty fetishist. Do not rinse. Repeat.

    2.) My chiropractor, who is awesome and not as creepy as this will make him sound, is an eBay genius. Makes insane amounts selling antiques. A few years ago, he discovered people selling “gently used” womens shoes on eBay, with a decided emphasis on describing how non-gently they were really used. While perusing yardsales for antiques, he began to pick up used shoes as well. Once a week, he would spring for a really nice pedicure for his wife, and take pictures of her feet clad in said shoes. Before eBay essentially outlawed this practice, there were some weeks when the shoes would make more money than the antiques.

    3.) If that doesn’t raise eyebrows, consider this: there are not one, but MANY ebay-type sites that specialize in nothing but panties and dirty stockings. Not only that, but in Japan – no, not the vending machines for schoolgirl panties, cause that’s old hat – there are porn stars that will pluck a pubic hair, mount it in the crazy crossbreed of a microscope slide and trading card, and sell it for beaucoup bucks. Seriously.

    -TTC, who needs to write a novel someday about her insane life.

  14. I don’t grow tired of this story. It’s one of your finest.

    I think the moral could be: Big Cities — Better for Selling Panties Online

  15. Kind of hilarious :)
    Only mistake was using your own picture though hehe. And his mistake being to ask you if it was you. Wasn’t like he’d be getting a discount if he did recognise you!
    Has to be said, clean panties, knickers are kinda cute, and are linked to good times (if you’re seeing underwear, it’s generally going well) – the smell of a woman’s washing conditioner/perfume can be more most people’s thing? (Not to forget a woman’s passport to heaven, as Lt. Col. Frank Slade once said ;) )
    Though I guess that reminds them of women they know, rather than of women they don’t know.

  16. You learn something new every day. Who knew there was a market for used panties?
    Absolutely hilarious.

  17. Wow, that is all kinds of fucked up. But, that’s why I come (he he) here.
    Kinda nasty too. People do some nasty things.
    But damn, $25 a pair. I should be selling panties.

  18. elena:

    we thought $25 was a reasonable amount. the idea was that we’d get those cheap packs of 5+ cotton panties at walmart or wherever. the shipping was $1-3 bucks max. so basically there was LESS hassle wearing them once or twice and then tossing them into an envelope. never got to that stage though.

    bob:

    could very well have been a mutually-agreed-upon arrangement. hell, i was the husband who was encouraging his wife to SELL the panties, so why not?

    natballs:

    i have been known to do things to my wife’s underwear. are you saying licking them is too much?

    c:

    we have also come to this conclusion. ri IS an especially small state.

    TTC:

    http://www.pantytrust.com/index.php and http://www.usedpantyportal.com/index.php

    are both extremely active used panty portal sites.

    the demand is there!

  19. I really should learn to not read Toy With Me while drinking anything. I am now dripping Coca-cola out my nose (shut up, I know it’s 11am, but there’s no coffee and I NEEDED my caffeine fix).

    I would LOVE to have found out the All-American Boy had some kink. MY All-American Boy has some kink, but we’re not normal.

    Craigs List is an odd odd land. It’s both beautiful and horrific at the same time.

  20. What a fabulous idea. Although the profit margin is slim if the panties are from Victoria’s Secret…..

    You should have completed the deal. Poor guy seems like he needs the thrill. It’s hard for those golden boys when reality crushes their souls and they see that being qb in highschool means nothing in the cruel world of adulthood.

    I’m calculating potential profit now. I have a panties addiction, I could make a fortune

  21. seriously, thank you… i needed that. that was the best laugh i have had all week, and on an especially trying moron.

    plus i just feel better knowing my suspicions about all the jerkwads in highschool getting jerkwadier with time, was in fact true.
    again, with all sincerity… THANK YOU!

  22. yeah, that was supposed to be on an especially trying MORNING, not moron. oops.

  23. Hey Crissy!

    I once, back in the day, when collections was calling, I thought about tying cheap target panties to my english mastiff’s butt and having her wear them for a few days, then selling them on the internets along with a scavenged picture from a google search. However I decided she (the mastiff) is an innocent flower and I don’t want weirdos stalking her. I suggest you use a few pairs to clean out Big Pussy’s litterbox, then send them off in the mail.

  24. SkyddsDrake says:

    At one point I had a co-worker who grew up in Japan. She talked about how huge this market was in Japan (and still is). She said that she and her friends used to make some quick cash by going to certain stores where they bought panties. You had to wear the panties into the store and take them off in front of a clerk so they knew for sure they had been worn. Apparently, the dirtier the panties were (with all manner of things, including menstrual blood and fecal matter), the more money you could get for them. My guess is that it’s a more common fetish in other countries than we’d think. I don’t really get it, because I have to admit to being a clean freak and snuggling up with anything crusty like that freaks me out, but who am I to judge really? I have my own fetishes to own up to. =P

  25. So you’re saying there might be some creepy people on Craigslist?

    Huh.

  26. Skyddsdrake…. I’m not typically a germaphobe, but EWWW.

  27. Peppermint Patty says:

    You ran downstairs and literally rolled yourself into the living room rug. You are so fun.

  28. Holy shit! I can’t quit laughing. Had no clue you could sell panties on craiglist. You got to do what you got to do when your low on money. I’m glad you didn’t go through with it though lol.

  29. I swallowed my gum reading this post and am still laughing do hard!!! OMG! That is amazing!!!!!

  30. That is such a great story…hysterical!! I’ve always wondered the secrets all the douchebags from school had hidden in their closet. It’s too funny that you actually found out!
    I keep picturing him licking the 3 day old crusty panties and now I’m totally skeeved!!

  31. You guys are the best. THE BEST! I’m feeling so much better about this horrible story. I probably shouldn’t be so embarassed, I mean, after all, HE is the perv. I’m just the enabler, or something.

    To everyone who thinks his wife maybe knows about it, I would bet my life that she doesn’t. She’s a very sweet and sort of reserved girl. He owns his own business and let me just say that he does a lot of mailing in and out. There’s no way she would ever know. Also, he wanted to meet me in person in a parking lot at first. I’m guessing she wouldn’t be waiting in the car with the kids.

  32. This brings a whole new context to the six degrees of seperation…but instead of Kevin Bacon, its used panties!

  33. I would totally sell my old (freshly laundered) panties online to the highest bidder and my bras. I’d probably use the cash to buy new panties and bras. My bras are over 10 years old and the panties are granny panties. Like I said….if I could make some extra spending cash………

  34. Soooooooooo, has there been a High School reunion since this happened?

    Because that right there would be solid gold! It would make a great video blog *hinthint*

  35. OMFG…I swear, I am hitting up all sorts of interesting blogs today. Your story would make one hell of a Family Guy episode!!!

  36. Dude. I’d fucking do it in a second. That’s so awesome.

  37. SkyddsDrake says:

    Crissy –

    Um. Well. Haven’t you ever heard the saying? It’s the quiet ones that are the REAL freaks in the bedroom. O.o

    Gods know it ended up being true in my case once I got around to –

    Right. That’s another story, isn’t it?

    (Plus, there’s always a chance that she knows without approving 100% but puts up with it? I dunno.)

  38. This story is a true holiday classic. Queefs will be telling around the christmas tree for generations.

  39. Rolled up in the rug, eh?

  40. THAT IS AWESOME! You should have shat in them to seek revenge for all the wrongs. Funny enough I think you and I know someone in common. It’s a small world. In fact they should add this story to the ride at Disney World. Frankly, just repeating “it’s a small world after all” doesn’t really warn you as to just how small the world is.

  41. miss buttkiss says:

    You are one wierd s.o.b. what would be worse –being the wife of a panty smeller or being the husband of a perverted panty seller? you be the judge.

  42. I think it was worth it just to find out that Mr. All American is a panty sniffer.

  43. That’s both awesome and disgusting at the same time. I was thinking about selling my leather jacket I never wear on Craig’s List (I mean it was marked down from $200 to $29, I couldn’t pass it up, even though it was kinda ugly) perhaps I should sell some panties (or grundies as my closet alcoholic mother used to call them) and rake in the xmas cash. Thanks for the idea.
    Charity
    ps- who the fuck is Craig anyway?

  44. I keep telling my daughters that when they hit high school they need to date the goofy looking geek. They’re the ones who grow up to be hot and rich. While the hot high school guys grow up to be fat lazy slobs. You proved my point.

  45. My husband and I talked about this… I just can’t stand the idea of leaving my DNA laying around…. I read too many crime novels… I just picture my used panties, with DNA of course, ending up at a crime scene or something. eek.

  46. I can so believe this happened to you and I’m shocked it never happened to Val because let’s admit it, she’s done some stupid shit. (I love you Val! Thiiiiiis much)! And I never thought of you as naive. You were always way cooler than me and I only met you like 3 times.

  47. Wow, I’d sell my socks but not my panties. That’s just icky. lol

    I’m curious about the Hitachi…would love to try one but am afraid of the noise. My apartment is upstairs from my dad and his GF- the LAST thing I want is to find out that they can hear my VIBRATOR!!!!! OMG the horror! LOL!!!!! (you can hear a lot between the two floors though I don’t know that you could hear a vibe, even a Hitachi.)

    You know what would be a great post for this site…”sex toy horror stories”. LOL This isn’t really a horror story but when I moved, I had my toys (3 dildos, 2 vibes and a bottle of lube or 2) in a FYN bag in my dresser drawer. My uncle (who is a Southern Baptist minister) helped unload the truck- HE HANDED ME MY SEX TOYS!!!! and didn’t even know it.

  48. HAHA!
    I commend you on your enterprising spirit. There’s nothing bad about entrepreneurship and Craigslist does present options but the naughty end of Craigslist is like the sex equivalent of a dark forest in a Brothers Grimm tale. When I’m in a fanciful mood, it feels okay, but most times I feel like I need to take a dip in a vat full of soap after perusing the adult ads there and I don’t even know why I do it? I guess I just want to see the limits of online (I don’t want to use the word perversion even though I love the word) requests ranging from the standard ‘holiday companion’ to the more outre golden showers partner request.
    I love your horror story. It touches upon the small world that is and there is such a thing as six degrees of separation.

  49. Oh my god, I am so sorry for you and so delighted for the rest of us because that cracked me up for a solid five minutes!

  50. My friend (now lawyer) used to sell her panties for money, when she was a student. Good cash. But I can’t remember if she knew who, or if they knew who she was… pretty anonymous, I would guess.
    SkyddsDrake – bor du i mitt land? (just checking)

    Poor Crissy, that he figured you out, but still, he’s the one with the fetish, you’re just making money, right?

  51. Note to self: Do not read this website when it is early morning and the roommate is asleep (hopefully still).

  52. i wish i could make money so easily.

    women are sitting on potential goldmines!

  53. Error: Unable to create directory uploads/2014/04. Is its parent directory writable by the server? Toy With Me says:

    D – not to worry the moaning will muffle the sound of the Hitachi – hope this helps :)

  54. I went through the EXACT same phase. My alias would be Kitty Litter and I would recruit other “kitties” to sell their panties. The return address on the package was going to be a paw print.

    I thought about it waaaay too much.

  55. SkyddsDrake says:

    Milla – Nej. Jag läste svenska ett tag på universitet i Minnesota, USA. And boy, oh boy am I ever rusty. O.o

  56. I am a little surprised to find that so many people don’t enjoy sniffing and tasting used panties. If they are sufficiently crusty, it’s like scratch and sniff, and who doesn’t love that?

    For you underwear-sniffers out there, I will share a little secret with you, what with us all being in the middle of a huge global recession and all. If you just wear your own underwear for a few days without washing and maybe have sex in them a couple of times in between, they smell and taste just fine and you save yourself the expense of buying third-party underwear.

  57. This is all kinds of yucky. But I kinda want to try it. I have credit card debt, you know.

  58. That is actually the kind of thing I may do – not even if I was completely poor, just if I needed some extra cash. I don’t find it that creepy, which is kind of worrying. It would be more creepy if it was my boyfriend who wanted my underwear.
    I am a former catholic schoolgirl, so I would totally play that up when selling my skivvies ;)

  59. You are so NOT the type of person I would expect to not know that when men want to buy your panties (or socks for that matter… ew) it’s really you they want, all over those suckers. I’m really, really glad you changed your mind, though.

  60. I’m assuming that he’s not shredding strangers’ used panties, making their shreds into breastfeeding pillows, and selling said breastfeeding pillows on eBay – cuz that would be PLAIN WEIRD! A guy who likes scratch n sniff panties, though? Meh. I’ve been paid to witness a helluva lot worse…

  61. I adore your blog! I promote it at nauseum! You are wickedly funny and very informative. It makes my free time worth it when spent reading your pages!

    Thanks for sharing and making the world a more entertaining and enlightening place to have sex in (alone or in the company of others)!

    Cheers
    Ms Jade James (aka @msjadejames)

  62. I’d say that story left me speechless, but instead, it left me needing a scalding hot shower. And bleach for my eyes.

  63. Oh my god. That is just too funny, what are the odds!? I mean really, what are the odds that some weirdo on the internet, of all the weirdos on the internet, would be someone you knew and went to highschool with?! You must be a very…very lucky (or something) person. lmao

  64. Oh gawd, I’d die. I’m dying a little for you right now. And that is totally the kind of luck I’d have, too. GAH.

  65. 1) Screw the Bible. THIS is the greatest story ever told.

    2) I am going out as we speak to buy panties to wear and sell on Craigslist. I mean, how could you not want to be part of such a Christmas miracle?

  66. Okaaay, my question is whether you’d have sold the panties if you hadn’t known the guy. Me, I totally would have (and knowing you from your blog, I bet anything you would’ve as well, smegma and all.)

    Now I’m wondering how many takers I’d get if I put up a Craigslist ad, saying I have used panties to sell and putting up your picture.

  67. That’s completely freak worthy. It’s certainly not the high school reunion I’d want…

  68. Error: Unable to create directory uploads/2014/04. Is its parent directory writable by the server? KinkyJew says:

    This. Is. Brilliant. I would have sold the panties anyway because, hell, I could use the extra cash, and then you have something to blackmail the dude with FOREVER! Muah ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!

  69. ohmygodisofuckingdied!
    I have hidden from email and phones ringing … not because the high school jock wanted to buy my panties (because I so had him back in the day when he was hot) but just because I tend to do stupid shit … a lot!
    I loved the post, thanks for the early Christmas present of laughter!

  70. That is too funny! I love reading your posts, but this one takes the cake. You had me actually laughing out loud with tears in my eyes! I really do applaud your creative entrepreneurship, but ultimately, if it creeps you out that much, probably better that you didn’t. Good on you for thinking outside the box though!

  71. I know it’s gross, but I am broke as a joke and would sell my panties to any pervo that wanted ‘em. However, it never would have occurred to me that DNA on said underpants could be used for nefarious purposes. Shit, I really need to “think things through” a bit more. Anyway, great post!

  72. Dude – 25 bucks is 25 bucks. Next time send Valerie’s pic instead of yours.

  73. Ok so work was slow and I decided to read this.
    AHAHAGGGGHHHAAA!
    1. laughing out loud in the IT dept makes the other 2 guys want to know what’s going on
    2. Once we all read it and get up to speed and after the giggling settles, we talk used panty fetish.
    Yes so we aren’t so sure why you ended up not expecting the panties to need be dirty, we all agreed we like essence of woman but we like it fresh, we also agreed that selling them was the right thing to do and that whatever your asking price was when he recognized your pic it should have doubled.
    Then again at anypoint a quick response of “no, not me but if you want to imagine I am said girl…” would have net you more cash.
    Also your womanly fluids is all he wanted? Did he ask for after sex panties? Or pee panties? Toywithme, sending Aunt Flo panties may have the effect of chumming shark infested waters and may have driven him crazy!
    All in all, good sell! Now get some more for the next sale and this time use a different pic!

  74. I’ll never look at sharks the same way. Thanks @Robby1051. Blech.

  75. Is it bad that I’ve thought of doing this?

    Also, yay Hitachi giveaway!

  76. Error: Unable to create directory uploads/2014/04. Is its parent directory writable by the server? Toy With Me says:

    stoogepie – Interesting tip for the sniffers out there but correct me if I am wrong, isn’t the appeal geared towards fantasizing about said person who once wore those panties. Fantasizing about ones self I don’t think will cut it. On the other hand, if you’re a scratching & a sniffing chances are somethings a little off in the first place.

    Ms Jade James – Thanks for the kind remarks.

    Ray – Glad you had a good chuckle

    Roby1051 – You are more warped than I thought – nice :)

    Crissy – Awesome Post Girl!!

  77. Miss Cinnamon says:

    I just laughed my silly ass off reading about your adventures on Craigslist. Thank you for the stress relief :)

  78. This truly does bring new meaning to the phrase ‘its a small world’!! Great story!

  79. Who can take a g-string
    Sprinkle it in ‘dew’
    Cover it in chocolate
    and a pube or two?

    The pantywoman
    The pantywoman can
    The pantywoman can cause she mixes it with love and makes the crotch taste good

    Who can take a thong
    Wrap it ‘round a thigh
    Soak it in some cum
    and make a creampie?

    The pantywoman
    The pantywoman can
    The pantywoman can cause she mixes it with love and makes the crotch taste good

  80. This is easily one of the funniest things I’ve ever read! Thank you so much for sharing.

  81. Oh, wow. Is that story funny or scary or what? I can’t decide.

  82. If you hate doing laundry, this was the way to go. Ok, it would’ve been REALLY creepy…but are you still in the same town?
    Or, better yet, you could’ve responded again with a different identity and made money for the holidays. Why not?

    If someone was getting all pervo with your dirty britches, that’s on them. At least you’ll make some dough AND have the answer for when he comes down with an STD from dirty panties

  83. NOT saying you have and STD. Didn’t mean it that way…just if someone else out there had one and he got it.
    “Merry Christmas crabs!”

  84. That is absolutely hysterical. And I’ve totally seen those ads online before. One of my friends tried to convince me to do it once. I mean, I suppose it is a good way to make money, given that you won’t miss the pair of panties.

    I’d be super upset if I gave away my panties to anyone who didn’t have a real emotional attachment to them, hahaha.

  85. My husband sniffs my panties. Usually it’s right as he’s taking them off before sex, but he has taken a worn pair along with him on business trips for that purpose.

    It’s a little weird to want random women’s panties and I’d be pissed if I knew he was using our cash to pay women to mail them to him. Boy would I be pissed.

  86. Hysterical!
    Best way to avoid doing laundry. Sell all your panties on ebay and make money from all those panty smellers out there.

    The best part: Everybody would be happy with the arrangement

  87. This is fucking epic and I love you for it.

    But not enough to send you my “gently used” panties.
    Sorry.

  88. panties: $15
    the hottie from high school who wouldnt give you the time of day, is now a dirty little man on craigslist looking for dirty undies….: priceless

  89. Error: Unable to create directory uploads/2014/04. Is its parent directory writable by the server? Toy With Me says:

    You guys rocked the comments this week. Some absolutely side splitting and quite disgusting replies. Unfortunately only one winner can be chosen and this weeks winner is………..

    rb83 – Congratulations on your new Hitachi Magic Wand and special thanks to Eden Fantasys for supplying our prize.

    Thanks for playing along folks and check back daily for more amazing articles and new contests :)

    rb83 – please DM or email me your shipping information, thanks.

  90. Error: Unable to create directory uploads/2014/04. Is its parent directory writable by the server? Toy With Me says:

    Oh snap, forgot to say rb83 – brilliant song!

  91. Wow, I’ve heard of people selling used panties but didn’t know it was real. I’d love to win the Hitachi Magic Wand!

    mattschmunk at hotmail dot com

  92. That was hilarious! I am so thankful for Blogs, because now I can read writers that I may never have come across before. Keep up the good work.

  93. Heheh, this totally seems like something that would happen to me, LOL!

  94. I sold pictures of my feet online once…. I made $30 for like 5 pictures! I’d have gone for the panty ad…. IF I didn’t know the guy…. haha

  95. “Send me some of your squirrel covers, Doc . . . your panties.” Copy Cat, Harry Connick Jr. I am sure he just needed them to wipe his horn down?

  96. I never in my life, ever thought I would be into buying worn panties. I'm not a cross dresser, or into anything like that. A few years ago, I decided to try it on craigslist, and I got hooked. As a seasoned buyer, all I can tell you that I do is..just sniff them. Some guys I'm sure do more with them, but the whole thing itself, is a turn on. But hey..if you ever want to sell another pair, I'm game.

  97. Yeah, I had an ex that thought about doing this. She tried but could never find a buyer.

  98. OMG – oh man, I just about died laughing. That is creepy and funny and SO wrong and hilarious and scary all at the same time. So Facebook isn't the only place to reconnect with (and get WTMI on) old schoolmates and such ;-)

  99. This was so funny!! Loved the humor and loved the story. See ya at Blogher!

  100. This is entirely awesome. A really great story, and I love your writing style. Just followed you on Twitter, sister.

  101. seattlefarmette says:

    I love you. I had the idea to do this a few years ago, but never followed through. Mostly due to laziness, but now that I've read your post I'm not sure I'd be able to pull the trigger. I searched on craigslist and found some woman offering up her "juicy panties" for sale…what do you think she'll get?? http://denver.craigslist.org/adg/1830977833.html

  102. I generally don’t respond lying on web sites nevertheless you have some good quality comprehensible material.

  103. OMG! Lmao………tooooooooo funny!

    I would have sold him my panties. The economy is bad. I figured I'm over 40 yrs old….What the HE#@ is anybody going to do with my DNA. I would have sent him GRANNY PANTIES for $25 (nice and wet). Lol

    This story ROCKS! Awsome. I'm still in the RUG…….Lmao

  104. I sold my bra for $200…. lol

    A pretty good way to get some rent money :)

  105. I make $25 to $50.00 for selling socks on e bay and I make approx $900.00 per month. So hey some people have wierd fetishes. But No I wouldnt sell my panties. They are only for my husbsand to sniff if he so chooses to. LOL

  106. Olivia-Maye says:

    I would sell my socks but not my panties. I was crackin up big time reading this OMG!

  107. …so someone wants to buy used panties at 25 US$…
    That is a new ballgame for me.

  108. For someone that boasts the title "The Queen of Everything" this post is oddly judgmental! I found your articles because I am considering selling my own used panties to people on craigslist that want them.
    Anything can be sold as long as there is a supply (which happens to be close to free for me to provide) and demand for said supply (people trying to get their rocks off in their preferred way). I try not to judge people when their fetishes are strange, especially when they are not harmful to others. I think it's awfully naive of you to not realize that these people are looking for something they can't just pick up in the Target lingerie section. That's why they're on craigslist. Also, if people are willing to spend their excess cash on my goods, and if I'm able to pay off my $60,000+ in school loans with their re-appropriated funds, it sounds like it might even be good for the economy. Or something.

  109. This blog is for American (stress American) women who are generally fat, lazy and terrible in bed. Most of them can’t have orgasms or only through masturbation.

    The rest of the world has it over on us. They have sex. Lots of sex. Kinky sex too. All kinds of fetishes. Nobody bats an eye no matter how off the beaten track it is.

    But in America. The “little girls” snicker in the ladies’ room and make jokes about how silly the boys are. I bet they all shave their pussies too…to maintain that “little girl” mentality they’ve never gotten past.

    So sad and pathetic, really.

  110. The only mistake you did here was sending a picture with YOUR FACE ON IT!!!!!!
    You would have been perfectly fine by sending a picture of you wearing the panties with no face. Just saying!

  111. OMG, this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time, you are definitely a born writer, I was laughing so hard that I cried! Love it!

  112. Hm. I’ve had a much different experience. I responded to a guy’s Craigslist ad, he seemed very legit, and we agreed on a price of $45 dollars. I told him I’d have a friend nearby during the exchange, and he said that was fine. He said he wanted to see my license (just the birthdate part, not the name) to make sure I wasn’t a minor. He upped the price to 50 for a picture of me in them the morning of, and said it didn’t have to show my face. I met him at the park, slipped my underwear off, put them in a baggie for him and was $50 richer. He’s something of a “regular” now, and we do an exchange 2-3 times a month. What can I say, the cash is nice and he’s a decent, sensible guy who hasn’t pulled any crap. My husband is nearby at every drop off, and always armed.

    My husband was all over the idea and was actually a part of the planning process. Frankly, if he was doing the buying, I’d be just as supportive of him as he is of me. I could even get into it a little bit. It’s fairly harmless, and as long as it wasn’t hurting us financially or consuming our sexual life, I wouldn’t care.

  113. whodatperson says:

    Itching ears here I can see.

  114. hahaha! love kids and their perspectives.Grace was sintitg on James’ lap during conference and he let out some major gas. Grace looked at me and said, Mommy, Daddy is pooping.

  115. OMG! I know that this is an old blog. I just discovered it today! And I am CRYING with laughter over here! Love it!

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