Serial Adultery = Serial Stupidity
A Woman Takes On Stupid Women

You can hope in one hand and shit in the other…and guess which one is going to fill up first?

Women who decide to get involved with married men are stupid, opportunistic, gold-digging whores. I would, however, like to think it takes some sort of calculated smarts to wind up in an $11 million mansion with two small dogs (bill footed by Charles E. Phillips, co-president of Oracle).

Maybe it takes being smart to wind up on Oprah after your affair with a Presidential candidate goes sour.

Maybe it takes absolutely no sense at all because who in their right mind would fuck this guy? He always seemed to have two chicks going at once.

Serial adultery? Ladies, it’s time to wise-up and once again put on your big girl britches instead of leaving them on some married guy’s floor. I’m straight-up exhausted with all of the media talk about who’s boning who and whether it’s in or out of wedlock. Guys have screwed around as long as they’ve had the twig-n-berries setup and women…well, they’ve been screwing around just about as long. It’s always “news” to air out the dirty laundry of others and, quite frankly, I can’t blame the leader for latching on to Tiger like a bucking bronco.

I’m blaming the women.

What the hell are you doing?

Hello…I don’t know if you noticed, but that’s a married man. That means, at home, he has a wife, children, obligations. He may be a horny fucktard and cry about how his wife never listens, but if he wants license to go get some strange, he needs to cowboy the fuck up and get unhitched. And you, missy – you need to put your legs together and stop thinking about fun long enough to realize he’s not yours to touch. If you need a zipless fuck, go hit on the obviously single guy at the end of the bar who’s been ogling you all night. Take him home, bone his brains out and give him a wrong number the next morning instead of trolling sites like The Ashley Madison Agency. Remember when you took your classmate’s favorite marble and the teacher found it in your desk? Same concept. These are not the marbles you’re looking for. Move along.

It’s NOT glamorous to be a mistress

If you truly think it’s exciting to be involved in a covert affair with a man who will never go out in public with you and never leave his wife for you, you’re stupid. Completely stupid. I understand that mistresses throughout the ages have reaped financial benefits untold, but you’re still a home wrecker. Eleanor Herman, author of Sex With Kings (HarperCollins, 2004), reports that some royal mistresses received financial compensation up to $200 million. It’s generally not so glamorous in this day and age. Let’s take a little slice-of-life glimpse at the life of a mistress:

Watch your boyfriend/married man/fuck buddy who’s never going to marry you roll out of bed at 4:30am so he can rush to the gym to shower before heading to work where he’ll call his wife on the way and blame everything on the Johnson case. You get dresses and head to the office. While on the subway, Cute Guy With Bike glances at you but you glance away since Mr. I’m Not Leaving My Wife/Boyfriend wouldn’t take kindly to you seeing another man even though he’s seeing another woman. His wife. Go through your workday. Girlfriend calls to ask you if you want to double with your Mr. Mystery Man and her new BF. You decline, claiming late hours at the office when it’s really that, well, you can’t have a double date. Ever. Text comes late in the day. Mr. I’m Not Leaving My Wife/Boyfriend can’t make it to your place tomorrow night – he’s sorry but he has to spend some time at home. Flowers arrive at your office thirty-five minutes later from HIM. You smile. He really does love you. Colleague walks by your desk and knocks flowers off the corner, vase shatters on the floor. You call the janitor to come clean up the mess and busily scramble to save every blossom from the man who loves you so much. You head home. After staring at a pile of haphazardly arranged flowers and downing about 1/3 bottle of vodka, you decide to sleep. Alone. He’ll call tomorrow.

I acknowledge completely that the home may already be wrecked, but if a man tells you he wants to be with you and won’t leave his wife, he’s an asshole. Move along.

Stop acting all self-righteous

I don’t know nor do I care to know what went down to end the 8 year-long affair between YaVaughnie Wilkins and Cisco co-president Charles Phillips. Except…he wasn’t going to leave his wife for her. For fuck sake, girl – you got to live in an $11M lily pad and probably paid for nothing for 8 years. Take that cash you stashed and what’s left of your pride and move on. Not only have you wrecked your career and credibility, you look like a jilted psycho hose beast for putting up billboards and setting up a website to expose photos of you and your ex-lover. You fell with your legs open into a married man’s bed. You sleep in the bed you made…and now it’s empty. You can be pissed all you want, but the only one who looks like an ass…is you.

If faced with the decision to tumble with a ring-wearin’ dude (and even if he’s “progressive” and doesn’t wear a ring), here’s a few things to take into consideration:

  • He’s married.
  • He’s NOT going to leave his wife for you. They rarely do.
  • Nobody owes you anything for the stupid decision you made in the first place to climb into bed with him.
  • Why would you ruin your life for a man?

YaVaughnie Wilkins was far from working as a waitress in a cocktail bar when she met Charles Phillips. She was interning for fame financial analyst Mary Meeker at Morgan Stanley, a gig that business school kids would give their left nut to score.

Here’s what you did: you met a powerful man who thought you were a hawt young thang. You are – I’ve seen the pictures all over the internet. You slept with him for 8 ½ years and now you’re pissed it’s over. Guess what, girly: he owes you nothing. Relationships end all the time (don’t I know it) and if you’re too stupid to get a cohabitation agreement…which you probably wouldn’t get because your relationship was on the down-low…then Mr. Phillips owes you zippitydoodah, getoutofthehouse. You put yourself in the position, now you’re out of it. Way to waste what’s estimated at $250,000 for the high-profile billboards and website.

You’re not famous. You’re notorious. And pretty much a psycho hose beast.

This isn’t going to fix anything

Serial adulterers like Tiger Woods, New Gingrich (ew), Charles Phillips, and more politicians than I can count will always be around. One may even be living next door to you – they’re not necessarily high-profile, big swingin’ dicks. If you’ve ever been on Match.com and seen the relationship status “currently separated” on a profile…

that means STILL MARRIED. Right? Am I right here?

Some people have affairs as a catalyst to end things. Others do it for the excitement. I know those who have done it because there’s nothing so sexy as to have someone actually listen. And then there are the very few people out there who have the capacity to have successful open relationships. I’m not wired that way, but hey…I see that it can work. I can’t dis it. But I can say that if you’re a stupid woman who gets involved with a married man in the hopes that he’ll leave his wife for you…oh, honey. I’ll hold you down and Miss Manners can bitch slap some sense into you.

Do you really believe, in all honesty, that any person in an unresolved relationship (ummm…like MARRIAGE) has the emotional capacity to sustain an additional emotional relationship? They already straight-up suck at the one they’ve got going on and you think you’re going to be the panacea to make everything right with the world? It’s like being in the path of a snowball rolling downhill: sure, you’ll get caught up in it for a while, but it’s going to leave you dumped at the bottom of the hill or crashed into a tree. You’re simply in the path. You’re not THE path.

Wise-up, ladies. Go get your own man.

Toy With Me About Toy With Me

Comments

  1. A-fucking-men.I'm so tired of women getting REWARDED for being skanks. Why aren't there more women who will say, "Yeah, I'm horny, yeah you're hot, but you're married and HELL NO, I wouldn't do that to a fellow woman, whether I know her or not." Disrespectful hos (and the asshole men who cheat) need to be bitch slapped, just like you said. Mostly, though, the media needs to stop rewarding them for their transgressions and for hurting innocent people.

    • As I said – I can't blame the media for broadcasting what people want to hear. Media is about ratings, viewership and advertising dollars. Adultery is…well, about adultery. Plain and simple. Eatin's cheatin'.

    • Ha! I read this in Google Reader and came over with the intent of commenting A-fucking-men! Great minds think alike, apparently.

  2. *applause* *loud hooting* *cheering*

    I really don't think there is anything else to add. =)

  3. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Men will always be assholes willing to fuck anything,but women are better than that. We should be better than that.

    • Awww, now – not all men are assholes. There are just some of them, and some women as well, who prefer serial adultery to monogamy. Kinda like being a priest and taking a celibacy vow. DOH!

      • Thank you! Oh, wait … you probably weren't talking about me.

      • Cheating is bad, no question about it. And yet half the adults 15 and older in the US admit to doing it. Monogamy works for lots of people, but it's not the only answer. There's also ethical non-monagomy or polyamory.

  4. I used to be friends with a "serial mistress". The woman seriously couldn't get enough of married/ otherwise spoken-for men. She honestly had it in her head that SHE was so much better than other women, that she would NEVER make the same mistakes that her "boyfriends" wives made- SHE would be the perfect wife

  5. I used to be friends with a "serial mistress". The woman seriously couldn't get enough of married/ otherwise spoken-for men. She honestly had it in her head that SHE was so much better than other women, that she would NEVER make the same mistakes that her "boyfriends" wives made- SHE would be the perfect wife.

    I pointed out to her that if she kept f'ing married men- she was never going to BE anyone's wife. She hasn't talked to me since… I guess the truth hurts!!

  6. you are so damn brilliant that it just makes you that much more hot… but i'm married. dammit. :)

  7. You're AWESOME. ::wild applause::

  8. I completely agree..if you are married (and I am) you are way out of bounds.

    Years ago when I was a bartender I had a customer that would hit on my all the time eventually I went on a few very casual dates. Through a conversation wtih another person I worked with I found out he was married with about 80 children, okay only three, but what the fuck dude? When I flat out refused to go on another date and he begged (really begged) and pleaded and asked WHYYYY? I said 'because you are MARRIED!' And with that he picked his jaw up off the floor. Flushed his dignity down the urinal and put his ring back on.
    ASSHOLE.

  9. Very interesting point of view. We tend to dismiss or even pity the woman in the relationship, while raking the man over the coals – impugning not only his morality, but his capability, success, etc. (Does the fact that Tiger Woods is a douche bag husband really impact his ability to play golf? His sponsors may not want to be associated with him – I wouldn't – but the man can play golf). You are absolutely right – all these "victimized" women left without their illicit relationships are spurned homewreckers, or maybe just dumped girlfriends – but not victims. They should be treated as such.

    At the end of the day, you don't HAVE to get married if you want to act on the desire to poke everything that turns your head. You can stay single, and do whatever you want. I think if you choose to be married, then you are making a choice about not only what you want, but also choosing to forego the urge to act upon every stirring in your loins.

    On the flip side, if you were the mistress (or boyfriend) of a married person, you are going to suck at being married – because you don't care about the commitment a marriage embodies. If you would sleep with someone who was married, why wouldn't you sleep around when you are married?

    Keep em honest, Red.

    K

  10. This works both ways and applies equally to men or women. I dated a gal who told me she was divorced. I find out 6 months later she was still married. I broke it off shortly after.

    If someone is with another person then at best you will get is a good romp. Don’t treats it more than that and I agree stay the he’ll away.

  11. AMEN. I was going to write a post about cheaters today, too! Great minds, I guess…

    I have particular disdain for women who cheat with married men with CHILDREN.
    And even more disdain for the men with CHILDREN who carry on the affairs.
    There's a special circle in Hell for you.

    And what about the "But, I'm a sex addict!!" excuse that continues to gain popularity. Tiger Woods/Jesse James, anyone? My bullshit meter reads HIGH on that.

  12. Jade James says:

    Altough I agree with the theory presented, I dont necessarily agree with the lens…as Larry notes above, its not alway smen who cheat on their spouces so to say the woman is a whore is situational.

    Also, not all women/men who sleep with someone are looking to marry them or be remuninerated for doing so.

    Fault is always a two way street and its the victims who should be vidicated, regardless. Ideally no one should ever WANT to be the other woman.

    Loved it, great read!

    • Most certainly, Jade. The column's angle takes on the proliferation of serial adultery in the current media. Hence, the women-victim/man-bad angle. I don't see anyone as a victim. We sleep in the beds we make, right?

      My thoughts are if you want strange, get out of your familiar FIRST. :)

  13. Ale-fucking-lujah for you Red.

    I think women who willingly have affairs with married men are the worst kind and think no better of men who cheat on their wives.

    I agree with Ashley – I think hell holds a special place for people like this.

    How come when people are caught with their pants down that they suddenly become sex addicts and need to have therapy?

    Here's my advice: relationships are hard. They need work dumbass. If you weren't a sex addict with your spouse chances are your words are horseshit.

    Keep it in your pants for fucks sake. Its not rocket science.

    And to the women who willingly go after married men: find your own man, filthy ho.

  14. This post is well-written and with all the points covered! I loathe women like that. I have a friend who is the 'other woman' and is pregnant. Sometimes I just want to shake her or simply strangle her. I don't keep in touch with her because she disgusts me.

    Like you said…wise up ladies…

  15. There was a woman where my husband worked who was a "serial mistress". I can't tell you how many marriages she ruined, including mine. My husband and I were married for 24 years with 2 children when she set her sights on him. At that time, I was seriously ill and truly needed his support. But he chose her flattery and attention. I didn't even see it coming. We had a beautiful marriage until that moment. I use to think maybe he couldn't handle seeing me ill. I came up with a million and one excuses for his behavior, but in the end, that is all they were, excuses. I deserved so much better. I am well now, he is married to the "serial mistress", and our children are still scared by the selfishness of their father. But they get better each and every day.

    Thank you for this great article. I know my husband was the exception to the rule, of not leaving your wife, but in the long run, I'm glad he did. I've never felt better and I'm having the time of my life.

  16. i cheat on my wife with mary palmer.

    that doesn’t count, right?

  17. Red, you are so right. I forgot to mention a recent encounter. I had a gas leak in my yard and the Electric and Gas men were over repairing the leak. One of the men kept flirting with me and asked me out for dinner. Oh, he was a manly man, good looking, and my woman parts were tingling. Well until I asked him if he was married. His response was, Does it matter? Does it matter? I couldn't believe my ears. Yes it matters, I responded, along with a few choice phrases.

  18. I blame both parties equally. I've been cheated on before, multiple times and it's fucking awful.

  19. These women have commitment issues ( along with other issues obviously) they only want your man because they can't have him. If they could have him they would leave his ass in the dust for the next unavailable man who will love her like no one ever has. Do these women have friends, or even brains? Great post!

  20. nope, no victims here. just psycho hose beasts. love love love that phrase.

    you tell 'em girl!

  21. BooBooKitty says:

    We women have a responsibility to look out for our fellow gals. The same applies to men. Infidelity is one of the worst forms of selfishness, so if you indulge, you deserve everything bad that follows. Period.

  22. This very concept blows me away. I have even heard the "But I fell in love with him once I got to know him" whine from mistresses. Umm, here's my problem with that, falling in love requires a level of emotional intimacy that no woman should allow herself to attain with a man she knows is married. He's fucking married. You don't sit alone for hours and swap life stories and intimate moments building a connection. Harmless flirtation is one thing, everyone involved knows when the line is being crossed. Like, when the legs are uncrossed, you just crossed the line bitch and we all want to beat your ass……..and his too.

    • He's fucking married.
      Married and fucking someone else.
      You're fucking "married."

      SOOOO many ways to twist it. Thanks for stopping by, dear! Always lovely to see you :)

  23. Another take on it.
    About being aware of what you're entering, deciding what to expect so as not to get disappointed:
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/plain/A878204

    • I can't believer there's a guide on "How to Be a Perfect Mistress."

      FML.

      • sorry… but i couldn't help but snort when i read "about being aware of what you're entering…" BWAHAHA!!!

        • I'm not saying that people should be mistresses. I'm trying to say that there may be more than one way to look at things.
          Ruining marriages is bad. Always.

          So do not make things serious, don't expect the man to leave the family. Be aware that you enable cheating, and think before you decide. Can you live with yourself doing that? Repeat, DO not expect to steal the man away. Break up if you see that coming.

          I'm sorry. But this site has gotten very selfrighteous, I think.
          Some stuff here has been brilliant, some not so much. But more and more, it's been narrowing down what is OK in the world of sex and relationships. If it's not the way you like it, it's wrong and disgusting.

          So. Thanks for an interesting time here.
          Be well, be happy.
          Goodbye

    • Thank you for the article..it was very illuminating and pretty much what I did when I was single and had a stable of FWB men..some married and some single. I established ground rules ahead of time which included: do not leave your wife and do not fall in love with me..you are here for 1 thing and 1 thing only…don't forget. It worked…everybody got what they wanted and no marriages ruined. In fact some marriages stayed together because the husbands were able to get what they couldn't at home. Ohhh…I also was the one that cut them loose.

  24. I could not agree more. And (most unfortunately) I know this all to be true from awful experience. In my defense (initially), he lied about being divorced when we met. Then my little fairy tale came crashing down when his wife called. (He was Army, home was 1500 miles away… totally not obvious that he was still married.) Long dramatic story short, worst situation ever. They never leave. If they DO leave, why on earth would you want to be the next EX-wife? Craziness…

    But thanks for saying what we're all thinking when this nonsense goes down! Great post.

  25. LoudBudgie says:

    FANTASTIC ARTICLE – RAW HONEST – SAID LIKE IT IS!!

    BRAVO

    I tire of all the SPIN that comes froms HOME-

    WRECKERS and CHEATERS – despicable acts that are as or

    more damaging than others our Law cites as Criminal.

    Betraying your partner in marriage IS a DESPICABLE thing,

    Equally despicable are those who engage intimately with

    someone who is married. One commits an outright crime whilst

    the other is a knowing accomplice. These people act in ways that

    have SIGNIFICANT CONSEQUENCES FOR OTHERS.
    They know it – they do it anyway.

    I am always astounded by the constructed justifications

    HOMEWRECKERS and CHEATERS present. Clinically they are DISORDERED individuals in the combination and prevalance of behavior that is: irresponsible, selfish, callous, untrustworthy, manipulative, deceitful, abusive and much more. That they try to defend their actions is further indication of the their disordered state.

    RESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR has allot to do with considering the

    consequences for others. It is not about acting selfishly with little or

    no care about consequences for others. A particular irony lies in

    the fact that most FEMALE HOME-WRECKERS feel devastated

    when the partner they have committed to CHEATS ON THEM! How small minded can one get?

    Just like life itself – marriage is not always easy, fun, harmonious
    and less likely so if you don't remain committed.

    I feel for the VICTIMS of these people – and their ARE victims.
    Good people who are guilty of nothing more than believing in another and were likely presented with reason to.
    Good people who for a time accepted the others abusive ways in manifesting their continued commitment to that marriage.
    Good people, many of whom have had their full life potential compromised by some despicable Cheater or Home-wrecker.

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