Why Do Men Cheat?

Out of the three of my most significant relationships, two of them have been marred by infidelity. For some, this would lead to a life-long suspicion that really, everyone they’d ever date would find their penis a nice home in another vagina, to me it’s just one of those things that just is. To date, I’ve never gone through my husband, The Daver’s, cell phone looking for the record of an illicit phone call, nor would I…unless I suspected that he was using another woman’s vagina as a beer caddy for his penis. But I don’t go walking around worrying about “when it happens” or “if it’s going to happen” because really, my past doesn’t dictate my future. Plus, he knows that I’d go all Carrie Underwood on his ass and beat the bejesus out of him and the pick-up truck he doesn’t own, so there’s that.

There’s still the question, though, of why cheating happens in the first place. Of the two times it happened to me, the worst was when I was pregnant with my son, and it wasn’t just because I felt as attractive as an ox in toe shoes. It was the massive sense of betrayal and of helplessness that went along with it. There’s very little as vulnerable as a pregnant woman, and for someone like me, twenty years old, isolated from her family and living in an emotionally abusive relationship, this was just one more thing.

After he didn’t come home one night, I knew what was going on. My spidey-sense was strong and I just knew. So the next morning when he rolled in with hickeys on his neck claiming he “didn’t get much sleeping done, hahahaha” there wasn’t much left to be said that my fists of fury didn’t already say for me. He got a black eye for that one. If I’d have been any smarter, I’d have cut off his testicles and force-fed them to him. His excuse later on was that “he was scared” about his impending fatherhood and I suppose sticking his penis into someone else was his way of acting out.

But it bothered me for ages, long after I stopped being indignant, long after I expelled my crotch parasite, long after I dumped his sorry ass, why did he do it? Why had it happened again? I couldn’t think of any good reason why I’d been cheated on once again by an entirely different guy under entirely different circumstances and really, I had no good answers.

Science, my trusty and nerdly sidekick, thinks it can explain some of it. Turns out, some white coated geneticists have discovered that a gene known as “334.” Those without the gene, or with only one copy of have showed (in preliminary studies) to be more monogamous, interested in family life, and caring for their young. Conversely, those with TWO copies of the “334” gene seem to be either unmarried or have a greater difficulty in monogamy. Turns out, fidelity may have a genetic, not simply a social or emotional, link which is interesting and science-y, but not exactly an excuse.

Genetics aside, clearly there are other factors that go into why a partner chooses to cheat and shockingly (to me), most of the time, they have nothing to to do with the actual sex act itself. Most of the time, men cheat because they’re unhappy. In this case, he was furious with me for having the audacity to get knocked up while on the pill and then “ruining his life” and then “trapping him.” Always the smart ass, I snappily asked him if it was for his money or his good looks, which was a joke because he wasn’t working, instead preferring to lay around playing old Nintendo video games while I worked. This was his way of showing me just how unhappy he was in our relationship, and while I wasn’t particularly happy with it either, I was mature enough to know that that wasn’t the way to handle it.

There are countless articles devoted to reasons that men cheat, and with services such as Ashley Madison being so popular is it any surprise? Most say that it’s just because that’s what golly-gee-shucks men do and there’s nothing we can do about it, because clearly there’s no such thing as personal accountability in a relationship (no matter how floundering they are). In that case, it’s clear that biology is biology and we should just give up and allow ourselves to have free reign over whatever it is that we want to do. I mean, let’s give into ALL of our primal urges, right? Nah, I don’t think so. I’m willing to bet that none of you do, either.

Men often claim, just to drive the stake in a little deeper, that they cheat because their spouse drove them to it for one reason or another. Maybe she didn’t lose all of the baby weight or stopped prancing around in those adorable little nighties as much as she used to. Maybe he feels that they no longer connect with each other, or he’s afraid of intimacy. Or maybe she just doesn’t give it up enough and Rosey Palm and her Five Sisters aren’t doin’ it for him. For each of those points, any of us can counter it with another. But it’s hard to hear that sort of thing because your initial reaction when you find out that you’ve been betrayed (once, of course, you take your fist off of his face), is “what did I do to drive him away?” So having that solidified BY CHEATERS is just digging the nail in a little deeper. But, it’s also bullshit because you’ve taken any sort of personal accountability by the cheater out of the equation. Cheating is about choices and the cheater is not the victim.

Ten years later and I still can’t tell you why men cheat, but I can tell you that it’s happened to pretty much everyone I know and while it feels like the end of the world, it’s not. They say living well is the best revenge. I disagree heartily. I find that giving someone a black eye and dropping a hugemongeous pile of dog shit onto the lawn of the cheater is far more satisfying. Not that I would know anything about that.

Toy With Me About Toy With Me

Comments

  1. Shecheatedonme says:

    I'm always amazed at all the women that are incensed at men cheating – who do they think they are cheating with anyway – WOMEN!!!! It takes two to tango, some polls now put it that women actually cheat more than men – go figure!

  2. There isn't a guy alive who wouldn't cheat if he knew he absolutely wouldn't get caught. Any guy who says otherwise is a liar. Why? Well let's put it this way..as much as I love mash potatoes but I don't want to eat them every night.

  3. mystagenameis says:

    I think most people cheat for the same reason. We NEED to feel wanted and craved. After 13 years (you know, just as a RANDOM example) you are starting to feel taken for granted. He chooses to watch tv instead of ravish you. She would rather scrapbook than slither around in bed. Been there, done that … I wish I had just gotten a t-shirt. When love and passion has given way to routine and boredom …. FOR ONE PERSON then the heart starts to wander.
    Men may be more likely to reach that point first. They are the more sexual side of most couples (not always) and they feel neglected more easily.

  4. Subterfuge says:

    Not blaming her. My own fault. Can't take it back… did what I did, I feel the guilt, no going back is there?

    Hate me, but there is truth for you.

  5. GingerB says:

    I watched some big cheating happen in my family life, and it was so incredbily devastating. And I was really disappointed that my nephew (27 years old) had no time for how it made his mom feel to be cheated on, beause he still loves his dad and doesn't want tot get involved so he won't even acknowledge his mom's feelings and why she divorced him. My nephew has only had one relationship and had never had one end, let alone been cheated on after 15 years of marriage so he can't be expected to fully understand, but it still seriously pisses me off that we sort of expect men to cheat, and don't really find it surprising.

  6. I think women cheat not for sex but emotional connections. I think they find someone that gives them attention or affection they are lacking in their relationship.

  7. I was shocked that being cheated on in HIGH SCHOOL would make me so paranoid in my adult life! I am thankful to have learned an important lesson while so young (If it doesn't feel right, it isn't), but it was hard to trust anyone in relationships until I met my husband. He's active duty so it was hard for me to trust that he ONLY wanted me when he was gone, but here we are, 7 deployments later, with a lovely little boy, and complete trust in each other. My heart truly goes out to anyone who has been cheated on, that trust is hard to get back once it's gone (in my case, impossible).

    And as usual, very well written and chock full of goodness, Aunt Becky!!

  8. I was shocked that being cheated on in HIGH SCHOOL would make me so paranoid in my adult life! I am thankful to have learned an important lesson while so young (If it doesn't feel right, it isn't), but it was hard to trust anyone in relationships until I met my husband. He's active duty so it was hard for me to trust that he ONLY wanted me when he was gone, but here we are, 7 deployments later, with a lovely little boy, and complete trust in each other. My heart truly goes out to anyone who has been cheated on, that trust is hard to get back once it's gone (in my case, impossible).

    And as usual, very well written and chock full of goodness, Aunt Becky!!

  9. honestly, in the long run does it really matter why people cheat? it's rejection pure and simple. and it fucking hurts bad. even if they are biologically inclined to cheat, we're not going to feel better about it happening and giving them that out doesn't help us move the fuck on.

    i mean if cheaters weren't cowards, they'd dump us for some other reason before they ever cheated. and it would probably tear us up just as much and seem even more incomprehesible. at least when they cheat we can see their true colors and get angy. anger can be very motivating and empowering.

    and we all know once we recover from the hurt, we're much better off, better than ever, without the cheater.

    • Some people cheat in order to get out of a relationship that they feel trapped in, because they don't have the guts to look at their partner and say, "I want out. No, no particular reason."

    • Some people cheat in order to get out of a relationship that they feel trapped in, because they don't have the guts to look at their partner and say, "I want out. No, no particular reason."

  10. Another great one, Aunt Bex! People can claim every excuse in the book, but at the end of the day cheating is about violating the boundaries of a relationship, about breaking trust and respect with your partner.

    • question remains: if, as in a prior example, you haven't had physical relations with your partner in, say, three years, AND that person is doing nothing to address that issue, what kind of "relationship" do you have in the first place?

  11. I always thought that I never had to worry about Chris cheating on me. That was a big mistake. I will tell you that we are still together. He and I are trying to work through what happened and rebuild trust. It is hard and I might be a complete idiot and someday I might regret it; but at least I won't wonder if we could have worked it out.. He and I both made mistakes. I should have been more open to how he was feeling and he should have kept his penis out of my cousin. That aside we are both accountable for what happened. His cheating was a heinous act that shattered me and I am still picking up the pieces 11 months later. One of the main reasons I stayed is because I love him plain and simple. Makes the whole saying 'Love is deaf dumb and blind' a little more believable. The other reason is because of our son Damien. Chris and I are actually closer since it all happened. I lost my Cousin Becca (whom I now refer to as the slut who ruined my life) and my best friend Katie (she just refused to stick around and "Watch me live a lie with an Asshole who doesn't deserve my love or trust.")

    Since it happened Chris and I talk about everything and anything no holds barred. If it is bothering us we talk. We go out more both as a family and on dates (when we have money.) He is closer to Damien, course that might just be because Damien can talk now and carry on a toddler style conversation.

    I'm not saying it is great. Hell writing about it now I am close to tears because the pain is real and still stings. Chris has even started talking to me about trying for another baby. This is where the real pain comes in. The initial catalyst for the cheating was me saying I wanted to have another baby sometime soon; so him saying now less then a year later that he wants to try is like a slap in the face. I can't do it. I want a baby so bad I can feel it in my bones but I can't yet. I don't feel safe or secure with Chris; I prolly won't for a while. I think bringing a baby in now would act like a band aid and I don't want that. I want he and I to be ok before we bring another little human into this world. I may never get there and that is something I have come to terms with. Chris holds me at night since it all happened like he is afraid I'll change my mind.

    We have moved because of both the affair and our finances (even if we could afford the old place I couldn't live there knowing what happened on the living room floor.) There have been more and more days that I don't think about it, but then there are still days that it is all I can think about and Chris holds me and lets me cry while I call him every name in the book. I know he feels bad. I knew something was going on but he was the one who actually told me about the affair. He answered all my questions and for a week I was trying to work things out with both Chris and Becca. I couldn't do it. I had to choose who meant more to me. Keeping my family together was more important so I sent Becca on her way and we haven't spoken since. My Irish Catholic Family is trying to get me to forgive her but I can't. Her betrayal was on a different level, I mean she was like my sister, I changed her diapers, I invited her into my home and gave her a shoulder to cry on every time some guy screwed he over. She babysat my son. It wasn't like she didn't know Chris was married. Even if we were having problems if a women knows a man is married they should back the hell off.

    Still It happened and it will always be there. He talks about us being together in our 60's and me still yelling at him for cheating and him still apologizing because he says he'll never stop being sorry for hurting me. I hope that is true. When my Aunt (from the other side of the family) found out about his infidelity she told me once a cheater always a cheater and I hope to hell she is wrong. I couldn't go through this again. Once is enough, too much even.

    In case anyone is wondering, no I have not and will not be getting a revenge fuck (unless Shannon Leto knocks on my door an offering himself to me.) Joking aside that doesn't help rebuild it just makes it worse. For now I carry on in the British fashion, holding my head up putting a smile on my face and trying not to show people (and Damien) how hurt I am feeling.

    P.S. to Ken>> I'll admit our Sex life has gotten a lot crazier since the affair. Maybe because we are talking more or maybe because we are trying to push each other limitations but I won't complain (ok maybe a complaint about the rope burns.)

  12. Not all men cheat. In fact, I'm sure *I'm* the asshole because I've been with two women who cheated on me. I guess the type of sex doesn't matter when it comes to infidelity.

    • Exactly. I should have made my point more clear: I don't think it's a MALE thing (the articles I found all seemed to think it was primary a male thing) just what happens sometimes. For the record, I'm really sorry. It hurts.

  13. Cheating. I have been cheated on so many times I sometimes think I have "cheat on me" etched into my forehead. I must. And I think there is no excuse. Biology bischmology. Self control is what it's all about. Yet I never seem to learn. I'd like to think I'll meet a nice guy (suspect I might have) and he won't cheat and so I give men the benefit of the doubt. Women cheat too, but I don't date them anymore (natch). But then I always get my heart stomped on.

    Here's counting on good guys who can keep it in their pants!

  14. Just Jen says:

    Epic, Manda!! My ex cheated on me 3 months AFTER I had our baby. His 'fling' ran as soon as I walked in the door.

  15. Im sure you knew you were going to get plenty (sadly just 2 so far) of men saying..'its not an exclusive club, women do it too." And I hate that it happened to you. I know exactly what it feels like because it happened/is happening to me..again. Yes, i will agree that men likely cheat more. Ive been asked by people who know my situation, especially by women…"what did you do that made her cheat?" those people get a nice little FU and door slammed in their face. Im not perfect, but I did nothing. Ive been in group counseling where women have said that they cant stop cheating.
    Im at the point now where its going to take one hell of an apocalyptic event to make me trust or believe in true love again. And thats on me, thats my choice. But the way your blog is worded fired me up a bit. Im still a fan and will still follow and read, just wanted my voice heard.

    • I'm so sorry that it's happened to you too, Woody. It's not your fault. You did nothing to deserve it any more than I did. Women do it all the time, too, and I'm interested to learn why. I may tackle that next week.

  16. I'm beginning to think that monogamy is hugely overrated. There are some lucky people that end up in long term relationships with sexual compatibility, including the kind of sexual compatibility that enables couples to work together to keep things fresh and exciting as Ken said. We can't all do that.

    I, for one, am married to a spouse with not much interest in sex generally, very little interest in sex with me in particular. Heck, I won a sex toy from Toy with Me few months back–I was the wife who never got laid because her husband thinks her body is "wrecked" since having kids. Well, my body is different: it's 10 lbs heavier, and a bit saggier and stretchier. I just ran a half marathon with it, so it still works.

    And I do try to spice it up. When the new toy came in the mail I brought it to the living room and used it right in front of him! Whooop, right? He looked at me, made some comment I don't recall, and went back to reading his email while I had a sad orgasm on the couch.

    So I'll admit it: I've cheated. Was it just about sex? Well, yes, mainly, also of course about feeling desirable. It was for a brief period, and not very emotional, in fact we both quit when we realized maybe there were some feelings involved. He is married to a woman he's happy with, and attracted to, but she's just not into having sex, or even touching. I have another friend who loves his wife and thinks she's attractive, but she hasn't had sex with him for 5+ years.

    Maybe we are not the norm, maybe most of the cheaters out there are or could be having satisfying relationships at home and are choosing to have bits on the side because it's thrilling. But I hope there is also some compassion for those of us who have three choices:
    1. Lifelong celibacy;
    2. Divorce a spouse we otherwise love, becoming single parents to our kids because we weren't getting any; or
    3. Having sexual relationships outside our marriages, maybe while deciding between items 1 and 2.

    • tanya, speaking for myself i certainly DO have compassion for you.

      the idea that someone can sit reading email while their spouse masturbates on the living room couch (invitingly) is absurd to me.

      it seems to me that you're at a table where you're ready to play but the person next to you refuses to ante up. my comment wasn't meant to be inclusive of all the reasons, just the biggest and/or primary to my mind.

      faithfulness to me means more than just avoiding adultery–it means keeping the FAITH in each other alive.

      • Wait a sec, I'm confused. So you're advocating that it was okay for Tanya to cheat on her husband because he's more interested in email than having sex with her? She *did* commit adultery and it *wasn't* avoided.

        Maybe I'm missing something.

        • what i'm saying is it takes two to make it work.

          if only one of you is invested then obviously the other has already given up.

          a marriage is more than a legal status.

          • I just left a horrible marriage where my husband wouldn't have sex with me because I'd been raped and was "dirty" and unsexy as a result. I went two years without sex, and the sex we did have before that was horrible, abusive and painful. I didn't cheat on him, but oh gawd I thought about it. Just to feel actually wanted is so amazing. If I hadn't been convinced I was ruined I'm sure I would have. What I did do, though, is after I left him I almost immediately slept with a friend who had hated how he treated me for years. It was amazing and wonderful and very healing. Totally put the lie to his bullshit that sex would always be bad for me now.

            The "cheating" thing? He hadn't gotten his ass out of my house yet. I had to sneak around to have sex even though I was single!

            Frankly, there are all kinds of reasons why a marriage doesn't end exactly when it should. I hate cheating. But there are times when in all ways that count, it isn't. When someone is stuck in your life but isn't in your heart, and isn't your lover.

            No conclusion, just empathy.

          • JDL, I'm really sorry about what happened to you, both the rape and the horrible abusive marriage. My own whiny sexual frustration isn't even in the same league as what you've been through. I'm glad sleeping with the friend was such a good experience, he sounds like just what you needed.

          • JDL, I'm really sorry about what happened to you, both the rape and the horrible abusive marriage. My own whiny sexual frustration isn't even in the same league as what you've been through. I'm glad sleeping with the friend was such a good experience, he sounds like just what you needed.

        • what i'm saying is it takes two to make it work.

          if only one of you is invested then obviously the other has already given up.

          a marriage is more than a legal status.

        • It's okay with me if people think what I did wasn't okay. You can understand where someone is coming from, but disagree with the choice they made. I think I was just responding to the idea that "Cheaters" are all nasty, selfish, ruining lives with no regard for anyone but themselves. And I read c_p's comment as saying that being "faithful" isn't just keeping your hands off anyone else, it's also nurturing the marital sexual relationship. I actually committed the adultery, but my husband violated some other aspects of the same theme.

  17. god, isn't THIS post a bag of worms?

    why do men cheat…

    well, i think the question is really why does ANYONE cheat.

    i'm not so convinced that there are more adulterous men than there are women. sure you HEAR about more men cheating, but maybe the women are just smarter and harder to catch? ;)

    obviously everyone has different thresholds for "cheating." it goes all the way from LOOKING at someone else and harboring lascivious thoughts, to relationships that are "open" but not if people are dishonest about it. none is more "correct" than the next, but there sure as hell are problems when the two parties DISAGREE on what constitutes cheating.

    anyway, one of the big things i think that factors into it is the thrill of discovery. you know, when you're still flirting with someon, getting to know them better, and–perhaps best yet–you're filled with the rush that comes when someone is DIGGING you. self-esteem boosts are not terribly common things, so when we start to sniff one, it's mighty hard to walk away.

    for me, i think it's natural and NECESSARY to get these little puffs in the sails now and then. my threshold is pretty liberal–i'll accept anything but touching. i actually ENCOURAGE my wife to flirt with people. i WANT her to feel that rush of power and control and get the butterflies in her stomach.

    am i crazy?

    perhaps.

    i think it's crazyER to make believe you can totally quench these things, and act like you NEVER have emotional and physical responses to encountering other people. total bullshit!

    she just has to come home to ME with her sopping wet panties. :D

    now, why do people start to look around for these thrills? well, there's the simple fact that the human organism is amazingly adaptable. we get used to stuff, and we become numb to it. great when you have that cut on your finger or the downstairs apartment neighbor is cooking fish. not so good when you climb into the same bed in the same room with the same person wearing the same pjs and turn on the same tv to watch the same shows before falling asleep at the same time, and expect something thrilling and life-affirming to happen. i remember with astounding clarity the first time i climbed into bed with my wife, but that was in march 1996. it's kind of lost its luster since then. damn it.

    so it may sound cliche, but i believe people cheat because they're looking for something they lack otherwise. i don't think it's about sex per se. i think it's all about THRILL. getting thrilled is addictive, because it's FUN. the most boring people alive are the ones who DON'T have "addictive personalities."

    that brings us to the endgame: how do you make something old and mundane seem new and exotic? there's the rub!

    one way is with toys. hello TOYwithme! want to have fun? play with some toys! if you've already GOT toys, get BIGGER toys!

    how about roleplay?

    maybe strange locations?

    a little exhibitionism?

    maybe you start taking pictures of each other, or videotaping the act.

    maybe you start watching porn with each other?

    if you really want to up the ante, you could consider inviting a third party.

    maybe it's something as basic as trying out some new positions, or as complicated as an elaborate dom and sub scheme complete with chastity belts and enemas and benches.

    i do believe there are LOTS of men out there that don't want to get filthy with their wives, instead preferring to pretend that they are their virgin mothers. that ends up creating TWO dissatisfied people: the man who does not feel comfortable asking his wife to finger his ass while she blows him, and the woman who doesn't feel the thrill of exploring something new with her husband. i wouldn't be surprised if they BOTH eventually ended up fooling around on the side.

    likewise, i think there are LOTS of women out there that don't want to ASK their husbands to raunch it up. they have to share some of the responsibility too.

    so i've rambled on long enough. the bottom line is it isn't easy to keep things fresh fun and exciting, but it CAN be done with some effort, and, perhaps most importantly, trust in your partner to walk the journey WITH you. if you both believe in the the marriage then the rest is details.

  18. You fucking rock Aunt Becky! Finally, no more cheaters are the victim bullshit. You tell it sista!

  19. I think the fraud triangle also helps to explain cheating. For those who don't know it the sides of the triangle are pressure, opportunity and rationalization all three need to be present for either fraud or cheating to occur. To be honest I do not know for certain that I have ever been cheated on but I suspect that it has happened. Such as coming home from work one day to find a close male friend playing my xbox and finding the GF in comfy clothes surfing the internet. Normally this wouldn't be an issue however, I worked 2nd shift at the time and I didn't get home until 12:45 AM and the GF was usually asleep when I got home. Needless to say she broke up with me a few weeks later and now they both live together in Washington state.

  20. Stephanie says:

    Manda, enjoyed your comment. Becky, much love for AB as always!!

  21. avionicsman says:

    Great blog!! But of course now I need to know why women cheat?

  22. Cheating. I have been cheated on so many times I sometimes think I have "cheat on me" etched into my forehead. I must. And I think there is no excuse. Biology bischmology. Self control is what it's all about. Yet I never seem to learn. I'd like to think I'll meet a nice guy (suspect I might have) and he won't cheat and so I give men the benefit of the doubt. Women cheat too, but I don't date them anymore (natch). But then I always get my heart stomped on.

    Here's counting on good guys who can keep it in their pants!

    • Of course women cheat too!

      I'm so sorry that you have had such bad luck with men, too. There are good ones out there. I swear it.

    • Of course women cheat too!

      I'm so sorry that you have had such bad luck with men, too. There are good ones out there. I swear it.

    • Of course women cheat too!

      I'm so sorry that you have had such bad luck with men, too. There are good ones out there. I swear it.

  23. There are as many reasons for cheating as there are cheaters. I think a person either has the proclivity to cheat or doesn't, and I don't think it necessarily means that he or she is a dishonest person in other facets of life. I think some people are able to justify it and others can never see it as justifiable.

    For the record, my first husband cheated, but our relationship was so bad by that point I didn't really care anymore. My lack of caring what he did with his penis – other than he needed to keep it far away from me – was one way I was sure it was over.

    I do not believe my husband now would ever cheat on me because that's just his personality.

    How people deal with cheating is up to them. Hillary forgave Bill for reasons no one but them will ever really know.

    The Carrie Underwood option seems attractive when you're hurt and embarrassed, but just remember to ask yourself if getting revenge on the cheater is worth going to jail. Probably not.

  24. murphythadog says:

    People aren’t suppose o be monogamous. It’s harder to be monogamous thannot to be. So if you have that relationship those two people are working really hard at it.

  25. I was also cheated on repeatedly by someone whom I was supporting, financially (along with my two small children), at the time. I now know that he needed a way to feel "like a man" (his words) because he saw me coming home tired, sweaty, and still dirtfuckingpoor every day. Instead of bothering to get a job, he proved his manhood with his penis. It's been almost three years since I showed him the door and it's taken me this long to come to terms with the whole thing. If I saw him today, though, I would still put my empowered foot up his lying ass. I said "come to terms with", not "forgive".

  26. Did you know you can now send shit anonymously to people? Just imagine, someone pisses you off, cheats on you, and you can send them a big old package of steaming elephant poop. That is truly a wonderful thing.

  27. Yeah, so my ex-husband cheated on me but denies it to this day. He admits to an 'inappropriate relationship for a married man' yet claims there was no sex.

    Um…dude, I caught you by reading your blog. It was explicit. Because he still had one more semester of law school and needed a place to live and someone to take care of his daughter from his first failed marriage, he then faked a mental illness to get me to stay with him.

    Which worked for the summer and last semester. Then, he claimed that his mental illness (schizophrenia and bipolar disease) was so bad he needed to be institutionalized, so he had to move out. He claimed he was relinquishing custody to his first ex-wife. (They'd had 50-50)

    What really happened is that he moved out because his girlfriend was pregnant! I'm still wondering why he just couldn't say, "Hey, it's over I'm leaving" He actually told his whole family about this supposed illness, we went to doctors and such, but while his mom and I definitely think there's something wrong in his head, I'm more inclined to think narcissistic sociopath because he was too old and too highly functioning for it to be the other.

    He wanted to keep everything "private", mainly because he was lying his ass off. So my revenge is telling the truth to whomever asks. :) And not going away. I was with him from the time his daughter was 18 months until she was 8 and a half, so I can't just disappear overnight, I try to see her as much as he'll let me. Thankfully, I was (and am) involved with school and Girl Scouts, so I get to see her regularly.

    He's gained like 50 pounds, his new girlfriend, now wife not only didn't lose the baby weight, she gained 30 more pounds, and I've lost 40 pounds since the divorce, so showing up at school events trim and cute is pretty awesome!

    I'm pretty sure he's already cheating on his new, 3rd wife, for some stupid reason, she's commuting 2 hours for a menial job. Apparently she doesn't know or believe in the "If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you!" saying!

  28. My daughter’s father, as you know, cheated on me. I found out that I was pregnant the week after throwing him out for it the first time. (yes, there were multiple times. No, I’m not very bright.)

    He found out I was pregnant via the following text message: ‘Congratulations. You’re an asshole again.’ (he has a child from a previous relationship)

    I took him back because fuck, man, I was pregnant, and he seemed contrite. 14 weeks later I left work early because I had a strange feeling. Sure enough, I walked in to find a cute little girl on my couch, and an apartment cleaned of all girly things. The conversation went like this:

    Me: Hi. Who are you?

    Her: Um, Noelle? *nervous giggle*

    Me: Hi Noelle. How do you know Matt?

    Her: We met a few days ago walking down the street?

    Me: So what have you been up to tonight?

    Her: Just, um, watching some movies?

    Me: How nice. Let me tell you who I am. My name is Amanda, and this is my apartment. I’m about 3 months pregnant with Matt’s baby, and by the way, I’m baby momma number 2 and he doesn’t have a job. Thought you might need to know this in case you fucked him. Did you fuck him?

    Her: I…um…wha…I don’t want to talk about this right now…

    Me: You’re not in trouble, honey, he is. I’m just curious.

    Her: We like, made out?

    Me: Okay. By the way, did you drive here?

    Her: Yes.

    Me: Good! Stick around! He’s going to need a ride.

    She left when I started throwing things.