Cunnilingus, Eating at the Y, Little Man in the Boat, Muff Diving, Carpet Munching, Eating Out, Giving Face, Eating Beaver, Eating the Pink Harmonica, Eating Clam Dinner, and a personal favorite, Snorkeling for Oysters. Call it what you want, going down on a woman can elicit a wide range of emotions from both men and women. Mention muff diving at a family dinner and you better get the defibrillator for Grandma’s pace maker! It will send your teenage cousin into peals of laughter! Your mother will be grabbing the bar of soap to wash out your mouth and your dad will be clapping you on the back for finally entering manhood. Eating at the Y is not usually dinner time fodder, but today, let’s bust out the good china, polish the silver and crack open the bubbly. Let’s talk cunnilingus!
Pay Attention to the Kitty
Men, I am going to speak to you here. As a woman who utterly would donate a kidney to science LOVES having someone go down on her, I want to take some liberty and give you some advice from my point of view. Hey maybe your woman really enjoys your technique! Awesome! This is a first person observation from one woman who has a vagina and thinks when you pay attention to the kitty; the trouser snake is going to get a hell of a lot more attention from this girl!
Enjoy the Buffett
First, it’s NOT a Pie Eating Contest. For the love of everything that is good on planet earth, learn this lesson! Trust me; racing to the finish line in this act of love is not going to get you any high fives or deep kiss. As a matter of fact, it will get you a “holy fucking hell that hurts!” Take your time. Look, taste, feel, touch, lick, kiss…treat her vagina like a multi layered box of candy! When you view her as a buffet rather than a fast food drive through, your brownie points will sky rocket!
Toe Curling Cunnilingus
Second, I am an ice cream cone, not a bag of chips! Do not munch on me like you are devouring a bag of kettle cuts! Can you remember how much you loved to sit in the sun and just lick and lick and lick that soft serve?? Well honey, think of me as your dairy queen of cunnilingus! Round and round, up and down, in and out. Savor me and make my toes curl.
My Honey Pot
Third, my vagina does not have teeth; she won’t chomp your fingers off if you insert one or more into me while you are having dinner! As a matter of fact, by inserting your fingers while you are eating me out, my senses are heightened, my g spot is jumping for joy and I tend to cum far more quickly! Dip those fingers in my honey pot. Search around, find that g spot and help me out!
Easy There Tiger
Fourth, listen to me! I make noise! I moan when it’s good and I pull away when it’s bad…DO NOT go back to doing the same thing when I have said OW OW OW!!! It hurts, I don’t like it. Just like you don’t want me giving you a blow job like I’m eating a corn on the cob, I don’t want you chewing on my clitoris like it’s a square of double bubble. Stop. Please.
Last, let me help! Seeing as it’s my vagina, chances are, I’ve touched it millions of times once or twice and I know just how to maneuver that clitoris into the right spot for that orgasm. If I want to help, take that as a sign I am comfortable with you and that I want to enjoy the experience and help you to be the one I brag about to all my friends. Trust me, the more you listen and follow my signals, the more valuable your currency is in girl world!