Crissy Reviews A Stripper Pole

As many of you Toy with Mes already know, I am quite the budding little pole dancer. I’ve been to three classes now, maybe four by the time you read this, and that makes me pretty much a “Pole Dancing Expert.”  I’ve got the bruises and pulled muscles to prove it!

As a “Pole Dancing Expert,” the Toy with Mes asked me if I was interested in using and reviewing an at-home portable pole kit. I was thrilled to pieces to try it because I was going to get to practice my mad skillz and help others at the same time.  It’s a total win/win!  (I think the biggest winner is my husband who is now the envy of all his friends, and even a few people he’s never met. Did I mention the caché being a pole dancer seems to entail? Yeah.)

There are several different kinds of poles to choose from, but the one I got from the awesome people at AdultSexToys.com was Carmen Electra’s Electra-Pole Professional Pole Kit by Peekaboo.  It claims to be the perfect pole for all levels from the total beginner (like me), to the professional pole dancer.

Let’s find out.

The pole shipped out quickly and came very discreetly packaged in a plain brown box.  It’s all folded up inside because the pole itself comes in three pieces for portability, so it’s not as obvious as it would be with a solid, one piece pole–you know, the long, skinny, 20lb one your neighbors would see you dragging off your front porch in your platforms and g-string.

Inside the box is the aforementioned 3-piece collapsible dance pole, the ceiling plate, the base plate, spanner, assembly guide and DVD, and a not-so-discreet storage bag with CARMEN ELECTRA ELECTRA POLE written in huge hot pink letters on it.

Assembly is pretty easy, but if you’re all thumbs with this sort of thing, please, please, please have somebody who knows what they’re doing put it up for you. We like your teeth where they are.  Even I, with my very, super handy builds-shit-from-scratch and uses-his-dick-for-a-hammer husband, managed to pull the thing over the first time I attempted a fast spin.  While doing some research on this particular pole, I read that a lot of people have pulled it over during a spin and have been hurt, so test it out a lot before you try to do tricks on it (something they repeat more than once in the instructions, btw).

In fact, if you’re going to do anything fancy like that, you really do need to screw it into the ceiling. This Carmen Electra pole offers an OPTION to mechanically fasten the top plate with screws, OR it can be pressure mounted. Lots of other poles don’t offer both options.

Before screwing it into the ceiling, however, I was able to do a handstand against it and climb it.  My 170lb neighbor and my 195lb husband were also both able to climb it without a problem.  So, if you’re going to dance around it and maybe climb it a little, you should be okay without screwing it in. If you’re planning on really torquing it, use the screws.

The first thing I noticed is that this pole is a lot thicker than the one used in my class, so it’s taking some time for me to get used to it.  There are some thinner ones on the market that might be easier to wrap your hand around–especially if you’re a beginner and you don’t have a lot of hand/wrist strength yet, like me.  The diameter difference is a double-edged sword: a thicker pole puts less pressure on fulcrum points (and thus reduces some of the bruising) and it’s easier to squeeze between the legs, BUT it’s also harder to get a good grip on, especially if you have smaller hands.

The finish on the pole is also a little hard for me to deal with.  The ones in my class are painted with a somewhat textured/grippier powder coat paint, and even with that paint, they’re still a little slippery.  During class we often have to stop and wipe down the poles with rubbing alcohol to keep the surface clean. The Electra-Pole is chrome and is therefore very slippery, even when completely clean.  I feel much less confident using it for more difficult maneuvers for this reason. Our class has different poles, and our instructors told us that the more advanced poles have slicker surfaces like the chromed Electra–harder to get a solid grip, but also a lot “faster” for spins and slides.

After anchoring it to the ceiling, I was able to do spins, etc.  I weigh 120 lbs, but it says not to use it if you weigh more than 265.  Some reviews I read said that people of only 105 lbs couldn’t do spins on it without it coming apart.  I did not find this to be the case. Plus my husband pulled and tugged and even managed to do a something like a spin, and it didn’t budge. He said if someone a shade over 100 lbs broke it, it wasn’t installed properly to begin with, and I totally believe him. The thing is solid.

In all, I think the Electra-Pole is pretty awesome for a beginner with the following caveats:

  • You have someone who knows what they’re doing install it for you. We put ours in the porn basement, which has an exposed joist perfect for mounting. If this is going in your bedroom, you’re going to need a stud sensor or stud finder to locate a ceiling joist strong enough to keep the upper mount stable–whether you screw it in or not.
  • You don’t try anything crazy before you know for absolute sure that it’s secure. Even then, take it slowly as you increase your load on the bar.
  • The size and texture of the pole is more for an intermediate or advanced level dancer, and is therefore more challenging for a beginner to use.

For me, at least, it’s really fun having it and playing around with it.  Would I buy something different in the future if this pole dancing stuff turns out to be my thing?  Probably, yes.  I’d get a heavier one that’s one solid piece, maybe a little thinner, and meant to stay in place permanently.  But since I’m just testing the pole dancing waters at this point and getting some practice in, it’s just about perfect–it can be relocated in a few minutes, even with the upper mount screwed in, it’s height adjustable, it has a gleaming chrome finish, can be knocked down and put away for when judgy people and relatives come over, and last but not least will get you mega points with the husband.

The Queen Of Everything About The Queen Of Everything

Crissy,a lifelong Rhode Islander, is 35 and has two little girls. Aside from doing a little bit of writing here and there, she doesn’t use a shred of her MA in English. She writes a blog where she is Queen of *&%$#@* Everything and reigns over her readers, whom she calls Queefs, with a loving but firm hand. In both 2008 and 2009 Crissy won the Blogger’s Choice Award for Hottest Mommy Blogger. In 2010, Crissy was chosen as one of Blogher's voices of the year.

Comments

  1. Great! I am a big Crissy fan so I wanted to read what she had been up to. I will get my wife a stripper pole for Xmas and tell her it was Crissy's idea!!!

  2. I love it.

  3. what's funny is that she blogged about this years ago:

    Crissy Wants A Stripper Pole in Her Room Now

    i think she got better. a LOT better.

  4. I SO want a stripper pole! but who would I dance for? my cats? I am so pathetic.

  5. LadyLover says:

    We used rubbing alcohol in my pole dancing class, too, and we were spinning around on bronze poles. (On a 4×4 moveable platform and no upper mounting, but that's another story…) Especially since bronze is so porous, we needed to use it a lot. If you can find something to dry out your hands that helps a lot as well. Then whatever pores are in the metal pick up less oils and it stays dryer and safer for longer.

  6. Crissy wrote this article? Crissy who's husband, Crissy's Pimp, is Ken? The author of this article says her husband weighs 195 lb? Ken weighs 195 lb? Ken whom I thought I'd seen in teeny, tiny jeans? Is Ken 7 ft tall or something? I am obviously confused.

    • lol, not quite 7.. i am 6' 3.5" and 190lbs.

      her estimate was a bit high, though i usually do have about 5lbs of shit in my pockets. semper paratus!

      i can no longer fit into my wife's smallest shorts/pants though. last ones i tried on a week or two ago wouldn't go past my juicy booty.

  7. Crissy Queen of Pole Dancing! That was great. Mister should be shoving money in your shorts as you dance. Start a side business and give us all lessons. Make some $$$ off of that pole. Mister can video the lessons so we can see how bad we suck. You have the perfect porn basement. I am jealous.

    • i can use one hand to shove money, and the other to hold the video camera, but then who's gonna whack me off?

  8. I've wanting a pole for some time now. I would need a smaller pole for my very petite hands. totally loved the video!

  9. You are my hero. FUCKING HERO.

  10. thewarriormonk says:

    Ok I stopped after:
    "a thicker pole puts less pressure on fulcrum points (and thus reduces some of the bruising) and it’s easier to squeeze between the legs"
    I LOVE your writing but seriously? I'm now I'm a bit distracted mentally. Ill have to taser myself then read the rest later.
    Sorry.

  11. My friend got that same pole for Christmas two years ago from her boyfriend.

    I've used it and I have to agree, the thicker and slicker pole make it hard to wrap your hands around, which makes it uncomfortable to do tricks. But we managed.

    And you're definitely right on knowing how to install it, I can not tell you how many times we put that thing up only to have it come crashing down as one of us tried to spin.

  12. Much to my joy, my wife just recently signed up from a group pole dancing class.

    Much to my chagrin one of the rules is that you have to have a smooth ceiling and we have that sand texture paint up there. So the dancing will not be happening at the condo.

    After this article, I'm just more excited to see the results.

    • dt: expect a lot of soreness and bruises,

      the soreness sucks but i grew to like the bruises,

      • DarkTouch – Try sanding just the area on the ceiling where you want to mount the pole. Ya that's right, I said "mount the pole".

        • We are not sanding the ceiling and we are not putting a pole in this tiny little condo. Don't encourage him.

          Well. Maybe.

          • Mrs. Darktouch, prepare to be battered to death the first few classes, but don't give up. The bruising and the pain goes away and it gets to be fun. I promise. And DO THE HANDSTAND. It's not as scary once you get the hang of it. And it makes The Elevator easier, too because you're used to being upside down. I'm happy for you for trying it!

          • Heh… 'Mrs. Darktouch'.

            I can just imagine trying to tell the little guy to stay away from the pole. We might need to move the bed. Maybe in the sewing room?

  13. you sizzle on the pole, girlfriend! you'll be doing it in stilettos in no time. and may i say – how much fun is household! i so admire you two as a couple. you even have a porn basement!

  14. ::SIGH:: Damn Lucky Pole….(can I be reincarnated as Crissy's pole dancing pole, plz?)

  15. Best video review ever… Someday I hope to be that sexy!

  16. I know a girl who has a stripper pole permanently installed in her living room, she had it done when she moved in. I am very jealous of it.

    I'm impressed with your moves too!

  17. Where are your high heels? You are like a gazelle. Truly graceful!

  18. You were saying a bit ago that you wanted a pole on twitter! Glad you got one, I don't have any place to put one right now but if I have a good place for it when I move it will definitely be on my to-do list! Loved the video :)

  19. That's right. Everyone wants to be like me. With proper training, you can be almost as good as me, but you have to work hard. It doesn't come for free, you know.

  20. Crissy you have some serious skillz lady ;)

  21. Just when I thought I couldn't possibly love you more!

  22. Are you implying that I don't know how to do it right, Sarahbear? I'll have you know I've taken 3 lessons. 3! I'm totally an expert. ;)

  23. Very cute. =) Reminded me of the episode of King of Queens where Carrie took lessons and Kevin James had to show her how to do it right. =p
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vedCzjIDZps