When Toy with Me told me they were sending me Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Oral Sex, Part 2: Fellatio blow job instructional video, I was all “YES PLEASE!” because I’m not a very big fan of performing this particular sexual act and I figured that maybe if I knew how to give a right and proper blow job I might be more enthusiastic about it.
Hell, I thought–I might even enjoy it.
Since we’re being totally honest here, I must confess I’d much rather take it in the pooper than give a blow job.
I considered the possibility that perhaps my dislike is because I’m doing it wrong. It always takes so damn long and my jaw locks up and I gag and drool and I start getting annoyed because you-know-who hasn’t landed the plane already, and clearly he’s doing it just to torture me…
or maybe I just suck at blowing.
The video arrived in the mail in its very discreet package and it sat on my dresser for a while because I had a question, Toy with Mes.
Do I watch the video by myself first and sort of take notes and/or practice on a squash or something, or do I watch it whilst practicing on the real deal and learn in situ?
There’s something to be said for option number one because it preserves the mystique a little bit. I could conceivably go from Hum-Drum Hummer-er to Blow Job Maven all of a sudden and my husband would never have to know I had boned up (hahahahahaha! No pun intended! Yes it was.) on my skills.
Sadly though, since I have the two little kiddos who most certainly do not need to see a lady kissing a man’s penis, I had to opt for the in situ instruction, and it had to be done after the little ones went to sleep. I put the DVD in the player, did a few jaw loosening exercises (you don’t want to cramp up), pressed play, and put on my sexyblowjobface.
I was ready to learn.
And my husband sat on the bed squealing and clapping his hands like a little girl.
The video begins with an introduction to Tristan Taormino herself. Throughout the video, Tristan addresses a group of women in a sort of question and answer format.
The first order of business is an anatomy lesson which at first made me roll my eyes because HI! I know what a penis is, but I actually did learn that the most sensitive parts on a guy are the head of the penis (duh!) the frenulum (that little triangular notch between the head and the shaft on the bottom side of the penis), and the perineum (aka the assneck / taint / gooch). So the majority of the penis–the shaft itself–isn’t very sensitive at all.
After the anatomy lesson, they bring in the porn stars to demonstrate the four basic phases of a blow job:
1) The warm-up where you tease the penis. Let’s just say I will never again lick an ice cream cone without remembering this video.
2) The experiment phase is where you sort of try to figure out what works for him. Try new stuff. Mix it up.
3) The rhythm phase is the actual blow job where you find a rhythm and stay with it and guess what? Using your hands is not cheating! Yay! Because my jaw gets tired.
4) The orgasm phase is, well, you know… but what I liked about this part of the video is that Tristan actually says right out that it’s okay if you don’t like to swallow and that you should work out where the cum is going to go before it goes. The porn actress actually admitted that she doesn’t like to swallow either. She does take it in the mouth but then spits. The fact that even porn stars aren’t that into it made me feel better.
The Extras section of the video addresses special concerns like deep throating, prostate stimulation, how to deal with an uncircumcised penis, and safer sex. The part about deep throating did a great job of explaining tips and tricks without making me feel lame because I have trouble doing it. That part gave me some good ideas I still want to test out.
There are also three more instructional/example sections meant to demonstrate different blow job styles, like slow and sultry or hot and heavy or rough and sloppy. You can watch those with or without Tristan’s narrative instruction so it turns right into porn if you want. If you get tired of hearing her in the background you could turn it off and just copy what’s happening on the screen if that’s your thing.
If you’re the type of couple that historically DOESN’T include porn in the bedroom, this video could be a great way to introduce it under the guise of “education.” Unlike nearly all the “mainstream” porno, this one includes the GUY as a point of focus and interest, instead of just being a stunt cock positioned mostly off-frame. I liked that, and I’m sure other women feel the same way. You could really tell the guys were enjoying themselves.
In all, this was a really good video. The language was not clinical at all, and while explicit, still managed to avoid sounding trashy. Tristan’s instruction was clear, concise and confidence building. Her interaction with her “class,” as well as her conversations with the porn stars, seemed genuine and unforced.
We give it two thumbs up.
Especially my husband who has been walking around with a big ol’ smile on his face lately. I guess I did learn something… Thanks Tristan!
Treat yourself to your very own copy of Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Oral Sex at Babeland