With Enemies Like This, Who Needs Friends?

frenemiesJody was loads prettier than me. Now, you don’t need to do the nice thing, The Internet, and say, “Aunt Becky, that’s not true! You’re WAY prettier than she was” because trust me, I know that I’m an attractive girl. I’m not suffering for an ego and while I might occasionally fish for compliments at home when I say things like, “Would you describe me as ‘hauntingly beautiful’ or ‘achingly beautiful?’” to my husband, The Daver, I’m not doing it here. It’s the truth. Jody was gorgeous. She was also one of my best friends in high school.

My Lesbian Haircut

I wasn’t jealous of her good looks. Maybe it was the Girl Crush in me or maybe it was because I’m just not really prone to jealousy, I don’t know. Understandably, guys really dug her because she also had a wicked fun sense of humor but weirdly she didn’t often have a boyfriend. Always a serial monogamist even then, I went through a dry spell after I mistakenly cut off all of my hair into what was forever known as my Lesbian Haircut. I didn’t give it that name, but apparently, it made every lesbian and bisexual in the area convinced that I was now batting for the other team. During that time when I was getting no peen, I developed a crush on this wanker named Mike that Jody went to school with.

His Balls Were Practically On Her Chin

I confessed this to her sort of shamefully on the phone one night, and she came up with a master plan for the following day. I would sneak out of MY school and come have lunch with her at HER school because they had lunch hour together. She would talk me up to him! It was a stroke of genius. Brilliance. So I did it. I walked into her high school cafeteria, marveling that high school cafeterias all smelled the fucking same no matter where you were and I immediately spotted Jody, right by the lockers where she said she’d be. Thrilled to see my friend, I darted over to her, ready to give her a big hug, and she blew me off. I stepped back, rebuffed and looked to see what she was doing. She’d engaged Mike, all right, she was now flirting so heavily with him that there was going to be no way in hell that he was going to register that I was even in the same solar system. I stood there for a couple of minutes, waiting to see if this was all an elaborate “and wait until you meet my friend Becky who is even awesomer than me!” but no, by the time I walked out of the school, humiliated, she was practically fucking him against the lockers. His balls were practically on her chin.

I Wised The Fuck Up

With Jody, the experience repeated itself again and again like clockwork: I’d tell her that I was digging on some dude and she’d go and throw her hot ass in his path and ruin any chances I ever had with him. Eventually I wised the fuck up and stopped calling her a friend.

I later realized that Jody derived her self-worth on being able to be The Best. She was a queen bee so desperate for male attention that she’d happily throw a friend under the bus just to remind herself that she was better. It wasn’t that she really cared about having the male attention once she got it, just so long as she took it away from you.

Later came Maggie, who clung to me like white on rice. Maggie wasn’t gorgeous like Jody—the term “matronly” comes to mind when I think of how to describe her–and we were never crazy close. She wasn’t a best friend of mine and while we hung out a lot, it was primarily because she managed to show up wherever I happened to be. Almost like she was stalking me or something.

Or maybe it wasn’t me she was stalking. There was that night that I walked in on her in flagrante delicto with my boyfriend, Selden. Remember Selden of the infamous muff-diving incident? Oh yes. That would turn out to be the first black eye that I ever gave. To her, I mean (her head was closest to my fist). Felt good, too.

What A Bitch

Years later, I was at a party when I walked up behind my former best friend and one of her other friends where I caught a snippet of the conversation, “…and oh my GOD is she STILL not working? WOW. She’s SO fucking lazy. What a bitch. I know how mad that must make you to watch her live off him. When is she going to grow the fuck up and live in the real world?” My former best friend frantically signaled to her friend to shut up, but the damage was done. I’d heard it all.

They were talking about me. Insert knife in the back.

My collection of Frenemies. The opposite of my collection of Girl Crushes.

It’s a common enough phrase to have made it into newest edition of the dictionary, the combination of “friend” and “enemy” and at the root of it all is some mixture of jealousy and dislike. In some ways, I suppose, it can be helpful if you’re playing a game of Keeping Up With The Joneses and constantly one-upping each other, because you’re always striving to do better. On the other hand, why bother?

I’ve never been one of those women who hates other women, but after having had such complicated friendships over the years, I can see why women say that it’s hard for women to be friends with each other. I really want to be all, I’ve learned SO MUCH from my experiences with The Frenemies but truly I haven’t, except for maybe, if you don’t trust a chick not to suck your boyfriend’s penis, maybe she shouldn’t be your friend.

So tell me, The Internet, what are your experiences with The Frenemies?

About Mommy Wants Vodka

Bored by mini-vans, life in the child lane, and pot-pie recipes, Becky began to write on her blog, Mommy Wants Vodka in 2007. She was as shocked as anyone to find out that people actually wanted to read what she wrote. Instead of living a swinging life of weekends in the Congo and curing baldness while holding crack babies, she stays home with her three children. An unpaid, kept woman.

Comments

  1. I am so happy to say I got voted off Total Drama Island some years ago, after my very own Jody experience. I’ve never been back and I never intend to.

    Queen Bees are such emotional vampires. It’s always best to stake them and escape quickly while they melt.

    I’m kidding.

    Mostly.

  2. Another reason why I am happy to be male.

  3. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! After getting “shafted” That Bad I actually do need some astro glide ;) lol
    Thanks Again!

  4. I’ve only got one that sort of fits the bill of frenemy. I was/am a total tomboy, and don’t have many girl friends. Too much drama. It’s a great story. My junior year of college I had a fuck buddy, Jim* He was (IS) a really good friend, but he was amazing in The Bed. His ex gf Cathy* was still absolutely in LOVE with him. They were trying to continue to “be friends” though they had broken up 18 months or so prior to he and I “getting involved.” At first I had no beef with Cathy, and she kept making extra special efforts to befriend me. I tolerated her for a couple of weeks, but saw right through her and eventually just gave her the cold shoulder. I didn’t ever trust her farther than I could throw her. Jim and I weren’t exclusive, but we did have a privacy agreement, and Cathy was all up in the business of finding out if we were sleeping together. Well, because Jim didn’t want to put Cathy out of the social circles (something she was quite capable of doing on her own), and because he was afraid she might do something drastic if threw down, he just let her string along. I tried to tell him she was nuts, and urged him to cut her loose, but he couldn’t let go. She would follow me home in her car, she would show up at his work, my work, outside classes, or out with our friends unannounced, she would invite herself along if he and I made plans. She would cry if he wouldn’t pay enough attention to her. She would throw a hissy if he invited me to social outings. Twice she got his roommates to let her in and waited in his room for him to come home from work (he was a bouncer and we were both DJs and worked nights), but then they put the kibosh on that, because she was a whackaloon and creeped them out, so she would wait in her car out front. Sometimes for HOURS. And if he didn’t come home, she would blow up his phone. She would call his MOTHER in the wee hours if she couldn’t get ahold of him, on the guise of being worried because she couldn’t get ahold of him. If she saw us hanging out together on campus, she would latch on, blowing off class to make sure we didn’t have time together. Needless to say most of our friends grew to dislike her, but Jim continued to try to be her friend. Then Jim got a rude awakening one night when she came to my apartment when he didn’t go to his house after a night out with mutual friends. He’d left his car at home and rode with his roommates, and then come home with me. His roommates said she was sitting on their front porch when they got home at about 2:30am, and got royally pissed when a) he wasn’t with them and b) they magically didn’t know where he was. I lived in a ground level apartment across town, it was 3 am, and we were in my room having a lovely time, when we both heard her voice outside my window. Now, it was totally dark, and I had a roommate (a longtime friend who I loved dearly) so we were being respectfully quiet, and she’s out there unobtrusively going “Jim, if you’re in there, I need to talk to you. Matey, if you’re there, will you please answer me, Jim didn’t come home and I’m just worried about him, and I need to know if you know where he is.” etc. etc. Meanwhile, both of our phones (on silent) are getting call after call. No window pounding, no frantic sobs. It was like a psychopath. A stalker, in other words. Jim freaked the fuck out. Then she was knocking on our door, trying the handle (!) and trying to peer into our living room window. All our lights are off, it’s three AM. My roommate, who had heard all my tales of Cathy, had seen her in action and didn’t like her either, quietly knocked on my door, and asked if I wanted her to call the cops. We conferred and decided no, we’d just ignore her and the next day we’d pretend we’d had no idea she was out there. My roommate and I would go out the front together to go to our classes, and if she was out there we’d distract her so Jim could slip away out the back. When my roommate confirmed for Jim that she frequently saw Cathy “staking out” our apartment, he freaked out again. Needless to say, after that he didn’t want to be around her, but wouldn’t tell her why. He was scared of being alone with her, having realized the full magnitude of her crazyness. I am a very laid back person, and had taken the attitude of “she’s your problem, not mine” which is probably why I went so long before intervening, but I finally had enough one night a few weeks later when she tried to physically drag his extremely drunk ass out of my car as I was trying to DD him home, hysterically screaming that SHE would make sure he got home and trying to tell him in a not-so-stage-whisper that she didn’t want him to go home with ME. He was telling her no, go away, nunya business, etc, but was slurring and lolling, and not making much impact. I had finally snapped and was telling her to f*ck off, go the f*ck home, leave us the f*ck alone, b*itch, stalker, etc, all the while trying to back out of the parking space. She was grabbing his shirt, his arm, pulling him to keep me from roaring away, and he’s drunkenly pushing her away. When she tried to open the car door and found it locked, she reached in through the window and tried to unlock my car. I, as a tomboy, am very possessive of my car and was already furious, so I was out in a flash, around the car, and before she had found the door lock or handle on the inside, I had her pinned by the throat to the wall of the bar. It was the one and only confrontation between she and I, and one was all it took. No one was injured, but I made my point very clear. I had 5 inches and 75 pounds of muscle on her, so the suggestions of what I would do to her if she didn’t knock the shit off RIGHT F*CKING NOW were enough to convince her that I was not the one with whom to f*ck. (PS, I was friends with the bar owner and he saw pretty much the whole thing, and told me even HE would’ve pissed himself if I’d lost my shit on him like that) After that she never wanted to come near me, and our friends were glad to be shut of her. She made some attempts at trying to keep up the “friendship” with Jim, but he was no longer interested in reciprocating. And the ferocity with which I reacted to her only made things hotter in The Bed for Jim and I. So, he changed his phone number and blocked her emails, and that was that. Now, six years later, we pretty much don’t even acknowledge she existed.

    The moral of the story? Bitches be crazy.

    *Names changed, natch.

  5. Just wanted to put in my input (lol).

    I have a girl who was doing that to me! She is a total ho, just so that she can feel better about herself. And one day, I was trying to win my ex-boyfriend back, and she KNEW that, and instead of helping me, she asked him if he thought she was hot, and then continued to curl around him, grab him around his waist, rub his back, and run her hands all over his chest while he was *sitting on her lap*.

    Well, you gotta think, the guy must be a douche, right?

    He was. That’s why I dumped him after all. HA-HA-HA!

    And, as for the girl? I don’t talk to her anymore. I dissed her. Fuck that shit.

    I talked to her a while ago and she tried to steal my boyfriend that I have now, too. What a C-U-Next-Tuesday.

  6. Phew, now that’s a load off. Take that all you beyatch frenemies out there, ya, you know who you are. Ok, onto the winner. I was compelled to pick someone who had worked their sweet little ass off and got shafted in the end. That’s just not cool!

    So I’m sending a basket full of lube to “Aurora” Congrats girl!!
    Also a huge shout out to Astroglide for this fabulous prize :)

    Aurora please DM or email me with your shipping info, thanks.

  7. Dee Stern says:

    I’ve never been a woman who pathologically hates other women but I can recall similar experiences, particularly in the workplace that -at one point- saw me take medical leave, be referred to a shrink and be handed Prozac. I refused that crap but it did make me wary. I took time off the treadmill and noticed a few patterns out there in the supposedly post feminist world; women are taught to compete, often on a savage level.

  8. Ah, frienemies. Every frienemy I’ve had in my adult life has gotten together thanks to the magic of the innernet and started a ZOMGSECRETBLOG and everything. It’s “private,” which is nice since the original URL was my full legal name (I KNOW RIGHT?), but it also means I can’t see what they’re nattering on about. This seems a bit unfair since Sitemeter tells me that they all read my blog faithfully (thanks for the impressions, y’all, my advertisers appreciate it), but y’know I’m over it. Probably it would just jack my blood pressure up and I’m not friends with these women anymore for a REASON. You and I have Twittered about it but the more I think about it the less I understand the pathos of going after someone with torches and pitchforks just because a friendship is (for whatever reason) over.

  9. I just keep it simple. I don’t have friends. =)

  10. I have the best Frenemy.
    When I first met my hubby, he had a “friends with benefits” thing going on with this girl Mel. They were roommates, sleeping together, and he was head-over-freaking-heels for the girl. They were glued at the hi and absolute best friends. They may as well have been married, except she didn’t like him more than a freind for any more than a “Big O” now and again. Of course I had developed insta-crush but it was pointless because he didn’t know I existed because he was gaga over Mel. A few years later, THE DAY BEFORE I WAS TO MARRY SOMEONE ELSE!!! he told me that he regretted that I had never given him a chance.
    Fast forward six months when the minutemarriagemistake fell apart and handsome and I finally started dating. Enter Mel. Once he and I were officially “together” she decided she wanted him after all, but by then he wanted me. I was, of course, concerned that she posed a threat to my relationship, so the only solution was to befriend her. (Keep your friends close, enemies closer!)
    We both did everything we could to sabotage the other in his eyes. She did manage to break us up once for a couple weeks, but we fixed things, and stuck it out. She wouldn’t even admit defeat when Hubby and I got married, and the tramp was even our Best Man!!!! (In the sluttiest dress she could find, no less)
    Now, seven years later, he barely speaks to her, and Thankfully that means I don’t have to either.

  11. Lady Lover says:

    Typo time! (Oh my, how embarrassing. xP) *I was a “Secret Friend.” *

  12. Lady Lover says:

    I saw a “secret friend.” Yea. I remember it well: Third grade, my class was walking back to school from the public library (no, it wasn’t some perverse form of mass corpreal punishment, it was only a few blocks away). I walked up to my “friend,” all smiling and happy, and asked if she had talked to her mom about my coming over that weekend, or something equally revealing that (OhmaiGAWD!) we were friends. She immediately pulled me away from the other girls she was walking with and said very seriously, “We’re secret friends! Don’t tell anyone else, or it won’t be a secret!” And back then it was /sooo/ cool to have a secret. I only went over to her house a couple times, and she never wanted to come to mine.

    To this day, I can’t figure out if her mom said that she had to hang out with me, our moms decided it would be a good pairing, or if she really wanted to be my friend but was just that mortally embarrassed about it. (I was kind of the loner kid. K-5 and part of 6 I only really had two friends. And yet, now I feel like I can’t count them all! xP)

    Or another one was when someone I thought was my friend accused me of stealing sea shells from my (totally AWESOME!) fifth grade teacher. My teacher believed me, but the friend wasn’t a friend anymore.

  13. Oh Man I have a prefect example of a frenemy. When I was in HS *Jen and I had a mutual friend *Amy. I don’t know WTF Amy saw in Jen but eventually she and I ended up friends for Amy’s sake. Long story short, if I liked a guy she had to have him or had to mess around with him. He’d some how “hurt” her and I’d have to hear all about.

    She was one of those types that was never happy with her lot in life and ALWAYS had to complain about everything. She was only happy if she was talking behind someone’s back. Usually mine. Hell she even stole friends. There are too many incidents to name. Needless to say were no longer friends, not even on facebook.

    From what I know she ended a 7 year relationship, had a rebound relationship got pregnant had the baby got pregnant again, married her babies daddy and her hubby is in the wrong industry to keep a straight lifestyle and is a SAHM with a husband she can’t trust. I think karma came a calling for her.

    *These names were changed obviously.

  14. I’m incredibly lucky. My BestFriend and I really are best friends, and have been for the last twelve years. She is six inches taller, two(three!) cup sizes bustier, and in high school, when I was the asexual tomboy, she was the one wearing plunging necklines and flirting with all the boys.

    So, she pretty much got all the boys. I’m still reluctant to introduce her to my boyfriends, since I’m quite scared they’ll start after her. Yep.

    My real backstabbing non-friend would be the third member of my girl scout troop (besides me and BestFriend), KT. In tenth grade, I admitted to having a crush on a nice sweet boy. (Getting me to admit crushes was a bit like pulling teeth, honestly) KT and BestFriend swore up and down that they wouldn’t stand in my way.

    The boy and I had a weird thing going, and then we didn’t have a weird thing going, and so eventually I asked him if we were dating, or what. He said we were just friends. The next day, I learned, from BestFriend, that he had asked KT to the prom –neither him nor KT had the decency to break that news to me themselves.

    So KT and the boy went to prom, and BestFriend and I went on the girl scout camping trip alone. We had more fun than she did.

    Somehow, I remained friends with the boy, through his and KT’s two and a half year relationship and subsequent messy break-up. Let me tell you, there is NOTHING as sweet as hearing the boy who broke your heart completely trash the girl he broke your heart for. Sweet, sweet, revenge.

  15. I have hung out with many girls while going through life, and I can say, the majority have a massive hate on or jealousy issue, I have heard enough tales of backstabbing and just other evil shit that I wanted to write a book detailing the female mind to confused guys… Personally I think everyone is a little nuts and for a while I was convinced it was just the psychos I hung out with, until one day a friend explained to me that while male aggressiveness is shown physically it’s the female aggressiveness you never see coming and actually cause more long term damage.

  16. Oh, I’m so obtuse, The Beer Lady, that it took years for me to write off several of these people because I’m just like that. And I’m sorry I waited so long. In the end, I didn’t get anything out of waiting except more hurt.

  17. You know, I can’t think of a single really good story to tell, but I’m compelled to comment anyway, because that’s the kind of person I am. Sadly, probably the reason that I can’t think of any frenemy stories is that I am unbelievably obtuse about such things, and tend to not realize what’s going on. I mean, I’m the person that when someone says, “Oh, yeah, sure, give me your number, we’ll get together sometime” I actually think that means that they intend to call. I even think that when guys say it. Obtuse. Truly.

  18. I went through this a lot in Junior High and High school. It was some of the worst experiences I ever had.

  19. Oh no, wait I have one more…how DARE I forget my BFF. We have been frenemies (although I was unaware of this until a few months ago) for 10 years.

    When I say something…on a personal blog or facebook…about my perfect and wonderful kids (we all think that way of our kids ya know) she one ups me.

    me: “my girl learned this…”
    her: “oh…my son did that two years ago”
    me: F.U.

    Lucky me my real best friend always finds a way for my girls to one up her….so to her I say “Up Yours!”

  20. Ok, so girls can suck big time.

    My roommate (my first and LAST female roommate) showed up at my boyfriend’s house, stripped and said “fuck me.” Ummm…really? Lucky for me said (super hott) boyfriend was too smart for that and we have been married for 7 years now.

    Then there’s my sister. Who needs terrorism when you have her. She would take me out (she’s 8 years my senior) to pick up super hot guys, then she’d offer herself to them and leave me at the bars. Over. And. Over. Again.

    Seriously, I have like 3 girlfriends and I know I can trust them. The others are just people.

  21. I’d comment, but I need to get over to Jody’s blog and leave her a comment there… she made me some nice promises.

  22. I was asked to be in a wedding by a former best friend. Not as maid or matron of honor which was fine! But Being as the other bridesmaids lived hours away and I lived about 5 minutes away from the bride I helped out almost every day from December till February. Well the Matron of Honor lived about 10 minutes away but always had an excuse as to why she couldnt help. I wasnt helping with any alterior motives other then helping this friend out because she was so frazzled! I helped with everything from printing the invitations to folding and punching them out, stuffing all of them in envelopes, printing the labels for the favors (500 TINY 1oz jars of honey) Gluing all the labels on them, then gluing the boxes shut and packing up everything to be driven the 3 hours away the wedding was. The Matron of honor helped ONE NIGHT punch out a few favor labels. I was accused by the matron of honor ( who I did her makeup for for HER wedding about 6 months prior.. a good friend actually) of trying to weasle my way into a better “spot” by spending all this time with The Bride ! Long Story short when the Bride got back from her honeymoon the Matron of honor ( who a year before told me I couldnt be in her wedding because her and her mom didnt want fat chicks in her wedding pictures but they both ADORED ME… she was drunk but STILL….) went to the bride and told her that I was talking smack about her family while at the church and was putting down her grandmother and SIL. She got her Husband and her sister to cororborate the story and the bride went APE SHIT on me a month after ignoring my phone calls! I was accused of all these things and cut off totally. LOL.. I wish I could make this stuff up. I have talked to these people TWICE in the past year and thats only because we all still live in the same area and grocery shop at the same store. Awkward as hell but I wasnt given a chance to give my side of the bullshit story so why should I even try! Talk about Frenemies…. stabbed in the back and cut off is about as harsh as it gets!!
    WHo thought at age 30 I would feel like I was in High School?? lol….

  23. I have had frenemies over the years…the ones who are only happy when you are unhappy, the ones who tell you that you look good in something when in reality look so bad that they look HOT, the ones who tell you the guy is trouble only to end up with them. I decided a few years ago that life is too short. I ended those “friendships”. I am much happier. I avoid the drama and live my life a much happier woman.

  24. mumma boo says:

    Frenemies make life hell until we wise up and walk away from them. They are purely on a power trip to feel better about themselves by destroying someone else. Tramps.

  25. Fresman year in high school, this one girl I knew decided to make my life hell. Since I didn’t make the play and we were both very into theatre, she decided to shove it in my face every second she got. Always the diabolical one, she decided late into the year that we should become friends, so we hung out together and gossipped. I really began to trust her and we became pretty good friends.

    Over the summer, she developed a crush on a boy I was friends with. She got it into her head that me and this boy would be perfect for eachother, and therefore she cut me off all together so that I would not steal him from her. She then made one of our mutual friends decide between the two of us, and when that girl chose her over me, she still did not believe her and dumped her as a friend too. She then unfriended me on facebook. This was years ago and we still refuse to talk to eachother.

  26. Dear Redhead says:

    Holy everloving shit. This is serious drama.
    *snip*
    Cuts the cord.

    I no longer have people like this in my life. Don’t really think I ever did!

  27. Handmade, I’m pretty sure that you can be a Frenemy by accident, absolutely. I don’t think that Jody was doing what she did because she hated me, or maybe she did, I don’t know. And as for Maggie, well, my relationship with Sheldon had deteriorated pretty severely by that point in time. And my former best friend was always smack talking someone. I was no exception.

    I suppose it boiled down to this: what the fuck did I expect?

    And I’ve been a bitch before too. There’s no law that says you have to be universally nice to every single person–male or female–that you meet. I’m SURE I’ve been a frenemy and I know I’ve treated people badly. And really? Most of the time, I regret it.

  28. Man. I’ve had a few of these kinds of women in my life. This is why I now prefer my friends to be virtual. Besides, this way I can be happy for them, just from far away.

  29. In your opinion, internet, is it possible to be the frienemy accidentally? My best friend and I have followed opposite paths: She was with a guy long term and a bunch of them afterwards in the short term, all the while I had no boyfriend. Recently, I got out of my long term relationship, and she still maintains her most recent one (almost three years for her, just past four years for me). There’s a guy who is a friend of her boyfriend who she has a very real attraction to. Because I’m single, he commented on how he thought I was cute and lots of fun (because kicking his ass in Rock Band was totally entertaining). She flipped out, and is now angry at me for stealing him, even though she’s *in a long term relationship and lives in another state than he does*. Also- I haven’t stole him. I’m not getting involved. It’s always been like that- if someone compliments me, she gets angry at me. She’s more conventionally attractive than I am, but I’m sexy in my own right, and I feel she wants me to be the loser-friend-who-she-can-lord-everything-over.
    Bah. I don’t even know.

  30. After seperating from my husband at the tender age of 25, I eventually started dating. I had a bff that was there for me 110% throughout the break up and after. I loved her like a sister. I started dating a lawyer, who I was completely in lust with. We had gone out several times and spent hours chatting on msn. She was at my place one evening and chatted with him for a bit while I put the kids to bed. The next week I was at her place on her computer. She was logged into msn and a message pops up from lawyer, “Hey sexy, thanks for the pics last night”. I went into her email (no, I have no remorse or guilt for doing this) and found that she had sent him nude pics of her fat whore ass and over 15 emails that were filled with how hard she was going to fuck him and telling him all about her special blow jobs. Classy no?

    She then proceeded to deny it when the proof was right there staring her in the face. Ten years later I still wish a raging case of gonorrhea on the bitch.

  31. Oh Aunt Becky, that just sucks! (And not just the part about your ex-BFF and your ex-boyfriend.) I have never really had a frenemy like that… at least, not that I know of. They must have kept it behind my back knowing that I would go totally ninja on their asses. (No, I totally wouldn’t.)

  32. I had a frenemy once too although apparently not quite as lethal as Jody. Mine was just super competitive with men. Men find bitchiness quite attractive…or the opposite, which is why she was single for a long long time.

  33. I really can’t say that I had much experience with Frenemies, but that’s just because I didn’t really have friends at all. I’ve found that most of the drama usually can be avoided if you stay away from “stereotypical” women, though, but I’ve had lots of experience with women talking behind my back. I was really naive, and wanted a friend, and the girls would always take advantage of it.

  34. Lady of the House says:

    Bitches is bitches! I’d take a bullet for you Aunt Becky.

  35. babes like us always get treated poorly by other chicks. hot bitches need to stick together.

    i also had a lesbian style haircut – more than once. my boyfriend at the time used to call it my “Dyke Cop” haircut. although there was this giant lesbian that i met at a lesbian bar (before the boyfriend, i went through a “curious” stage) named Juanita-But-You-Can-Call-Me-Jon who really liked that haircut. i know she liked it because when we were on the dance floor she grabbed me by the back of the head with her man-sized hand and jammed my face between her ginormous boobs and said, “like the haircut!” i wasn’t even dancing with her.

    since we’re BFFs now, i can call you Betty, and Betty you can call me Al. or maybe i’ll call you Heywood Jablowme. and you can call me Engelbert Humperdinck.

    because we’re twelve.

  36. See, there’s this girl who runs in the same circles as me who, years ago, when I first met my ex, really wanted to hook up with him. But he blew her off for me.

    Then, two years later, when I dumped him and moved out of our house, she latched on, moved in, and married him.

    So now, for some reason I don’t understand, she still has this grudge against me. They got pregnant right after I did, and started going around telling people how I “didn’t deserve” to have a boy, because they wanted a boy. And when I found out that I was having a girl, they totally gloated at me as if they were going to make me feel bad about my daughter.

    All of this, under the guise of “just kidding” and pretending to be friends.

    Sometimes it’s hard to be second choice, I guess. Neener.

  37. The worst manipulator I have anywhere near me right now is a friends mother. I refer to her as the Drama Empress. I have never seen a woman who tries so hard for attention, going to ridiculous measures. She recently tried to friend me on Facebook, oops hit the ignore button. Unfortunately my friend is her only child and yes, she uses that for more drama as well.
    Words cannot convey how desperate and awful she is, and healthy as well. So no getting rid of her anytime soon.
    I generally have had more male best friends, I am getting a better understanding of why!
    And yes, frenemy, totally stupid word.

  38. Frienemies…I’ve had my share but it was more along the lines of personal success instead of boys and relationships with them.

    One girl, who was considered a friend, was the only one I had practiced with for pommies (high school…urgh). Anyway, the MORNING of try-outs, she was all, I’m going to dance with this other girl because you really aren’t that good and she’s better and I’ll have a better chance of making the team if I dance with her.

    So, I frantically called EVERYONE …all of the other people trying out…I think there were five……I found ONE team of three and one of the girls (who was already on the team) volunteered to try out with me. …We had all of 3 hours to practice together. Of course she made the team…she had been on it last year. My ex-friend, didn’t make the team….and neither did I…..but that friendship was ruined ….

    Another time was when I was in band. I was First Chair Second Clarinet. She was Last Chair First Clarinet……so our music sheets were sometimes slightly different. Well, one day, I forgot my music at home and needed to share music with someone…..AND not set off the radar of our teacher because he HATED it when someone forgot music………..He would have KILLED me…I swear!! Anyway the two girls to my left were both absent………So my only choice was the one on my right. First Chair, Last Clarinet……Know what that little ho bag did? She angled her music stand away from me and wouldn’t share her music……Haven’t talked to the stingy ho since…and that happened freshman year……

  39. Wow, just wow. I have had some fucked up friends too. Guys can be just as bad.

  40. My only frenemy moment was with a girl who is actually still my best friend. It was high school, I liked a guy, she ended up hooking up with him. He was a foreign exchange student, so it’s not like it was destined to be a long term thing. I was only mildly offended. Actually, there was another one too…there was a guy (Larry) who liked me who I did not like. Larry was friends with my friend’s boyfriend. So, one day, I was at my friend’s house, but was about to walk home. She was on the phone with her boyfriend when I left. I told her not to mention that I was leaving. She knew I didn’t like Larry, yet she still told her boyfriend that I was leaving and where they would be able to intercept me. I thought I was going to kill her when I found out. Instead, I just refused to talk to her until she grovelled. Hmm…maybe all that scarring is why I don’t have a lot of female friends.

  41. Oh, the Frenemies I’ve had! The one that takes the cake is the one I can’t escape. She was a close friend from the time we were 10 years old. We’ve grown up together and after my first marriage ended, she set me up with her brother (at his request). We married and things were good for 5 years. I confided in her when things were rough and so did he without any problems.

    Somehow she got it into her head that my husband needed to go back to his ex and encouraged her to contact him. He began talking to his ex-wife which was fine until it began crossing some major lines.

    His sister began at that point to drill it into his head that we needed to divorce and the idiot listened to her. We split for a couple of months only to reconcile. Things were smooth for a short time until she stuck her nose into it again and all hell broke loose. I’ll spare you those details, but needless to say, I was furious with both of them and was searching for a place to move. I did finally manage to make him see what was happening and the search was called off. ;)

    Since then my husband has put a lot of distance between the two of them, and no longer speaks to the ex. We are doing wonderfully, but I can’t say the same for my SIL and me. Since I can’t just cut her out of my life, I’ve just learned not to treat her as a friend anymore. We’re nice to each other, but I don’t trust her a bit. We no longer hang out together as friends and mostly see each other when we are picking up kids from school and at family functions.

  42. I had a dear frenemy, that was once my roommate (ack, the one and only time I ever had a roommate), who would always do this to me. Not only did I have the “lesbian” haircut, but guess who convinced me to get it, AND gave me said haircut…as she was a hairdresser. I had worn my hair shortish, for a long time, but she’s the one that ultimately gave me the true butch job.

    She also, would steal boys from me. Flirt, flirt, flirt them up, and then all casually say, “Oh, this is Kelly, remember I told you about her…” Yah, right.

    She was so awful… she had a boyfriend, who was “away” or otherwise known as “in prison”, who she lied to, and lied to, all the while banging every guy in sight, and then would ask me to lie for her when he called and she had “company.” Our friendship was over by the time that I quit lying for her, and that was pretty amusing. When the boyfriend got out of jail, he came and asked me for a list of dudes that she had hooked up with, and I gave him every single one I could think of, and in that list several of his best friends were included.

    I guess this was my frenemy moment. Now, I just don’t have time for such petty B/S. If I don’t like someone, I don’t like them, and I will tell them, and they will go away. If a friend does something stupid or mean, I am done. Life is too short to be burdened by stupid people.

  43. I hate to admit it, but I’ve been burned enough in the past by girls who were so-called friends that I’m suspicious of ALL females. It has brought out a ridiculous jealous streak in me (although part of that is the fact that I never had someone I loved enough to *be* jealous over) – it’s rather embarrassing and makes me sound like a delusional, paranoid nut bar.

  44. I only had these kinds of problems in high school, a BFF who ditched me for my ex, but really I had more problems with guys being like this. Running hot or cold, minute to minute. I might be the best girl friend one day, and shunned the next for being weird/probable lesbian, flirting with me like mad one day, sleeping with my friend the next. And, to my discredit, I’m still in contact with those “boys”, more than 12 years out of school!

  45. I had a frenemy who didn’t so much undermine me or flirt with my boyfriends. But she did require my constant attention and validation for all of her actions to the point where it was exhausting and an extremely negative experience to be with her. (My mother already requires that kind of attention!) However, throughout high school we were best friends, planned our weddings, futures, etc. And we even went to college together. Eventually, we grew apart.
    Still, I was excited to be invited to her Las Vegas wedding. I flew all the way out there (from Florida) only to see she had 5 bridesmaids, and NONE of them were me. I was a bit miffed.
    So, I got superduper drunk in the 30 minutes before the ceremony started. I’m pretty sure my “discreet” running critique of the wedding was a little louder than my drunkass self thought during the ceremony. And I stood her up for her reception. This was noticeable since there were only 2 other guests.
    Most satisfying breakup ever.

  46. I was in a sorority in college & the word Frenemies brings several of my ‘sisters’ to mind. Not all of them, but there were a few that I suppose just liked keeping stereotypes alive.

  47. I just read the aspargas wrapped prosciutto comment… ha ha ha ha ha! random and wtf, great!
    I recenetly had to ex-nay a “friend” because she was dying to fuck my husband. Not because I think she wanted to hurt me, but because she is truly that desperate for someone to care about her that she would do ANYTHING for that male attention. And then she’d do weird random shit like try to get my sisters & I in fights and not want me to have other friends. The bitch was crazy.

  48. I have to be honest – I’m more like a guy in that respect. I don’t get involved in that bullshit, and if I see it happening around me, I call it out. For the same reason, I LOATHE the word “frenemy”. Seriously, what the fuck? If a girl (or guy) pulled that kind of shit on me? I wouldn’t call them a “frenemy”, I’d call them what they are – an asshole. Or, “someone I thought was a friend, but was actually a bitch.” Maybe we need to stop using a cutesy, trendy word, and instead call these people for what they are. Couldn’t hurt, anyway.

  49. I’ve never understood it…like I don’t understand a lot of things. To me there is just no justifiable reason to be so ugly to other people. AND I’M A TOTAL BITCH.
    I see no reason to compete. No reason to be catty. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to relish in other people’s triumphs, without feeling like yours have been diminished. This is obviously coming from my adult perspective. My kids can be just as cool as your kids. The difference being that I love my kids more and would willingly throw yours under the bus if it came down to it. You become PTA President? Good for you. Your house made Parade of Homes. That’s awesome. Unless you do something to hurt me, I will applaud your success. Even when you lose those 25 pounds.
    When I was in high school I didn’t get it either though. I was friends with more guys than girls, but mainly because “giggle bitches” make my ears bleed. I avoided most of the evil antics of frenemies, probably because I avoided dating high school boys.

  50. I think of Frenemies and one girl instantly comes to mind. There was an incident. It involved asparagus-wrapped prosciutto. And things were never the same. But that’s another story for another time.

    Having gone to a women’s college, I’m sorry to say that this sort of shit happens more times that I’d like to know. I never understood the lure of fucking over your friends, but apparently some chicks get off on it. In a strange way, though, when you see it happening, it’s kind of fascinating to watch. Like, “Really? You went there? You’re that sad of a person? WOW.”

  51. I think you and I might be sisters. I had a “friend” name Jodi who WAS FUCKING MY BOYFRIEND. I had no clue why they called each other “bunny rabbit” until another friend filled me in. I’d be careful of those Jody/Jodis if I were us. They’re bad news bears. Or bad news bunnies, more like.

  52. I don’t think my wife’s friendships ever get this bad.. at least not that I’ve noticed. What I have noticed however is that she has friends who aren’t exactly her friends. Like she was friends with them once but now if they call to catch up she’ll make a face and not answer. Her excuse is always that she’s “too busy to deal right now” or “doesn’t want to have the conversation that she knows will be had with this person” right then. But then she never calls them back either. Of course she gets offended if I point out that she’s not actually friends with that person anymore or that she doesn’t actually like said person.

    Even so, I prefer avoidance to getting into some variety of mind games.

  53. Wow. That level of pettiness and sabotage is almost unbelievable. Except I’ve seen some of it in person myself. Thankfully I’ve never been the victim of any of it. My wife might point out though that I’m just blissfully unaware of it. I’m thankful most friendships with guys don’t sink to that level.

  54. I think girls tend to be more evil though. Guys have a beef, fight it out and problem solved. Girls come up with major manipulated plans of attack and are thrilled when victorious at the destruction of their target.

  55. Growing up I was a tomboy and thankfully so. I could never get my head around why girls would be so mean to each other. As CP pointed out, basically, guys pride is not justified at an others expense.

  56. guys don’t really have this kind of bullshit. at least not at this level.

    there isn’t this crazy mix of friendship and enmity. it’s a lot more binary.

    i think that with dudes the metrics for competition are much more tangible. whose dick is bigger? whose girl is hotter? whose car is faster? whose biceps are wider? not only are they more easily compared, but–perhaps more importantly–these things are not really “zero sum” games: the fact that i have a 10″ wang doesn’t mean yours gets any smaller–it just means that mine’s bigger.

    fundamentally i think the majority of female-female interactions are based on what IS a zero-sum game: the attraction of a mate. this is perfectly demonstrated in jody’s THEFT of mike: if SHE had him, you could not.

    so in a nutshell when a female “gets” something to be truly proud of, it comes at the expense of another female.

    i’ve made a lot of sweeping gender generalizations here, i know, but i do believe that there are elements of truth to them.

    my balls feel much better today.