Where do you want it?

coolest-places-to-have-sexI mean, there are a lot of options.  I don’t mean orifices, but thank you if that’s where you went with that.  I mean “Where do you want sex”?  Everybody has curiosities, and plenty of them, but one that almost everyone can agree on is “doing it” in an unusual place.  Maybe you’ll get caught.  Maybe you’re the first ones to do it there.  Maybe you just have to “break-in” the new car.  Whatever your story is, sex outside the bedroom is almost always more exciting, and almost always leads to stories for later.

Personally, I love the concept for every reason above.  It’s the pioneering spirit of rebellion, breaking rules to get what you want.  Maybe you tell everyone about it, maybe you don’t, but you never look at the ball park the same way again.  Today it’s definitely not unheard of to have a big collection of toys in the bedroom, it’s certainly not unusual to get a little rough, and for many it’s perfectly normal to film the act for later review.  Having sex in unusual places might be the last really risqué thing we have…

Are We There Yet?

Long car rides can be a real drag, but the limited space inside most cars presents a challenge. Honestly, who doesn’t enjoy a challenge?  I can’t prove it, but I bet this is a scene as old as the auto industry itself.  Pop into the back seat, move this leg here and that leg there.  You’ll make it work; it has to work.  I don’t want to make it sound like the back seat is the only stage in the place though.  The front seat makes things a little more interesting and, depending on your location, you can always get out and just use the surfaces the car offers.  It’s clean, it’s yours and you can escape quickly.

A Walk in the Park

The right dress choice, or just some good loose fitting clothing opens up a lot of places for that quick opportunity.  If the weather’s nice, why not take a walk in the park.  Stray off the path and see where things go.  It’s natural, it’s risky and there’s always a good chance of someone seeing you, even if they don’t make themselves known.  Troublemakers will likely go on about their business, fuming quietly that you’ve offended them, and those of us who understand will give a knowing nod and start trying to talk our “other” into the same thing.  For me, the concept that someone might see is icing.

Visiting the In-Laws

It’s the holiday season again and time to visit the in-laws.  You’re doomed to a weekend with family, talking about knee-replacements, bad relationships and all the TV shows that your older family members think are stupid.  Fine, they’re probably right but that doesn’t change the fact that this sounds seriously un-fun. There is likely a house-full of people to entertain the kids.  It’s time to sneak off to an empty room and take care of business.  If you’re caught, you may become the black sheep of the family.  Bonus for next year: you may not be invited back.

Off the Deep End

Pool sex, in a safe pool, is an incredible experience for everyone, and the natural extension of skinny dipping.  Nobody’s looking, you’re already mostly undressed and the water’s nice and warm.  Your movement creates a smooth rocking motion automatically.  What more could you want?  How about instant clean-up?  Ok, done.  Grab a towel, and move to some comfortable chairs to relax.  If you share the pool with your family, worry not.  The chlorine should clean it up for the most part, the filter will take care of the rest.  This is excluding what might be stuck to you…

Excellent Bedside Manner

Doctor/Gyno visits can be incredibly embarrassing, but there is a silver lining.  Well…  It’s more of a pastel cloth lining.  You or your partner is stripped down, wearing a gown that does little to cover anything. If a skirt is an opportunity for sex, this is like a blinking Las Vegas sign in the proper mind-set.  The doctors or staff almost always leave you there, sometimes even lubed up, and tell you to “go ahead and change back into your clothes”.  Your papers will be waiting for you in the front.  A quick romp, especially if stirrups are present, couldn’t hurt.  You’ll both leave with a grin.

Couldn’t Find a Place to Do It

I’ve heard stories, seen pictures and watched videos of people who didn’t take the time, or couldn’t find a clever place to do it, so they just put speed on their side, clothes on the floor and decency as far out of sight as possible.  Some people blatantly want to be seen, and I understand that, but jail time is a terrible climax.  Take some time to think it over, get inventive, and find a spot to claim.  Everybody’s doin’ it.  What’s the best outside-your-own-bedroom place that you’ve had sex?

About The Author

If you ask him, KeepingYouAwake will tell you he’s a secret agent, underwear model or Prince of a little known, but wealthy, foreign country.  Beneath that layer is a pretty normal man who loves boobs, his family and the female form in its many varieties.  Beneath that, he’s naked.

After spending many years in the city, KYA now resides in the country outside of Indianapolis where he and the Mrs operate a mini-farm breeding sarcasm and style into their 4 month old daughter.  You can read his comical stories and ideas on his blog Keeping You Awake. You can also follow him on Twitter.

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Comments

  1. I like it outdoors too. How about early spring, with mostly melted snow, but with a few piles at hand to help spice things up? Once you get rolling the cold really isn’t much of an issue, and just adds another dimension to sensations.

  2. i like the gap fitting room. or any store with unisex fitting rooms. it’s so exciting when the clerk comes around to ask if you’re doing ok in there.

    and a men’ s bathroom. not a man in the world would say anything when you both come walking out.

  3. Let me think …. I got a black eye having sex under a Christmas tree once, but the Christmas tree was in the living room so that probably doesn’t count. Except that it wasn’t my living room.

  4. SkyddsDrake – I’ve often fantasized about the elevator too. Having the doors open as I’m adjusting my skirt and fixing my hair. My face flush from sexual desire spent. Having…..uh, well you know.

    TheBeerLady – Car sex is in the rearview mirror for me as well.

    thepinkpoppet – Next time keep in mind – safety first! Unless you want to die during mid orgasm.

    Michelle Bell – I’m a lover of the outside too. My favorite place by far was the Playboy mansion! We couldn’t resist! It seemed almost illegal to be there & not get it on.

    KeepingYouAwake – Thanks for a fun article & your witty replies!

  5. @A Vapid Blonde – Hilarious! So she knew that you used it, and the stain was the problem?
    @Michelle – Excellent suggestion and it sounds like you’ve been given a lecture on pool table physics, possibly by a hotel owner?
    @submom – You are full of the awesome!
    @TheBeerLady – You paint a picture that I think we’ve all seen in the movies. Excellent story.
    @moonspun – Ooh, that’s great! And the new office gives you something to look forward to.
    @thepinkpoppet – Oh wow, what did you tell the hospital staff, or was it more of a walk-it-off affair?
    @Dear Redhead – Not to be overlooked. Different rooms in the house can spice things up quite a bit. Especially if it’s so passionate that you just can’t wait.
    @Michelle Bell – Camping… I can’t even believe I left that off the list… Excellent, and it sounds like you’ve got a story to share?

  6. Dear Redhead says:

    Have to say, I’m a fan of the kitchen…love hallways. Anyplace that almost where you were headed but not quite :)

    N-A-U-G-H-T-Y

  7. @Dear Redhead — nothing better than almost getting to the counter/bed/couch/table and then having a fun new rug burn to explain. It’s like a hickey, but on my elbows (or his back!)

    I’m a big fan of the “outdoors” variety. Nothing beats a good couple backpacking/primitive camping trip. You get the stars, the thrill of the outside, and the oh-so-delightful feeling that you’re doing something naughty without a huge risk of being caught. After the cop-in-the-car incident, my hubby’s a little risk-adverse so this way we both get what we want.

    I can’t wait for June to be here for the next “camping trip”.

  8. thepinkpoppet says:

    By now, at my age and with the experience I’ve had, there aren’t too many places left I haven’t tried. But the Cap’n and I still continue to search out new venues. The strangest? I blogged about it, on a ledge of my, at that time, 5th floor apartment…no, not a balcony…a ledge! Lesson? Don’t get drunk and then decide to try something risky.

  9. I have great memories of the lake my hubby and I did it in. A secluded spot and heck if anyone came by, it probably just looked like we were kissing…they couldn’t see my legs wrapped around him underwater. And since I am heavier than he is, it’s the one place he can pick me up!
    We are also waiting for the right time to christen his new office!

  10. Hmm, I have to say that once I got past early college age, car sex is mostly overrated. Maybe because I always seemed to date guys driving Honda Civics or something, which are very difficult to get comfortable in.

    But said Honda Civic did lead to what is still probably the most interesting place, which was on the pitcher’s mound of the baseball diamond at a local park. Nice park, no electric lights so the only people around at night are looking for a nice quiet place with no lights LOL. Small river nearby with the requisite babbling-brook noises. Beautiful stars overhead, and no mosquitos to be find (mosquitos can really ruin a mood). Now, THAT was fun….

  11. I think the most risque place I’ve done it was on my dad’s kitchen counter while he was upstairs. That was fun. :) Of course… there was the time that hubby and I were so distracted with each other, we failed to remember that our blinds were wide open to the neighborhood. >.<

    Where would I like to? Hrm… I like the whole "outside" thing. On the beach… our at a campsite. The one place I've always thought would be really fun, though, was an elevator. Hit the emergency stop button… get our groove on… *Gets lost in thoughts*

  12. A Vapid Blonde – I’m not buying the “vapid” anymore.

    Michelle – I bet you had a ball though.

  13. This is such a nicely-written, even-handed article on a subject that will impact the human race (non-boring sex = great marriages = less broken families) KYA wrote in such an uncharacteristic unraunchy way. I am impressed, Truth Seeker. I would like to hear anybody take the challenge of a Smart Car and live to tell it. When I saw Pool Sex in “Whip It” I didn’t realize it can be done outside of a movie. I would probably drown and my husband would get the insurance money.

  14. I think hotels can be really underrepresented. Not necessarily in the room, but on the “patio”. Especially if there’s a solid fence around it.

    Don’t do it on a pool table, though. You’ll ruin the balance of the…*mumble mumble costly fix mumble mumble* and then it will be tilted.

  15. A Friends shower who’s wife had broken her heel and needed a plastic chair for bathing…that was all fun and games until she thought the orange hair conditioner I dropped on the chair was…um jizz. And that we had *stained* her lovely white plastic cripple chair. (Who the hell has orange jizz.)

  16. CP & KeepingYouAwake – Don’t forget some toys ;)

  17. @CP – A bigger shower with built-ins? That would be the best.

  18. tbh, i’m actually NOT a fan of aqua sex (ie pool, beach, jacuzzi, spa, etc): i find water to be a pretty crap lube and it’s too difficult to move quickly.

    maybe someday i’ll build in a much bigger shower, but until then it’s too frickin small for me ALONE, never mind two of us.

  19. I have to say during my first couple years of having the sex 80% was out doors. Not much was off limits. Still pretty private, but did get walked up on a time or two.

    Park, soccer field, tennis court, walking trail, car, truck bed, in bf’s pool where the nosy neighbor was probably watching. Never did the bathroom thing. That just didn’t do anything for me.

    Things have tamed way down in recent years though. Kids definately slow it down.

  20. Heather – A public bathroom – I’m getting all flush (pun intened) just thinking about it ;)

    Kater – I wonder if binoculars work through peep holes? I always have a hard time seeing through them & who would want to miss a free show?

    Jess – Sorry to hear you disagree. I on the other hand think it’s a great way to start the week! Always on the prowl for a way to spice up my sex life, I find the author injects humor & offers interesting options to do just that.

  21. @Heather – Very imaginative, car description is a basic how-to. Thanks!
    @Kater – Ooh, that’s a high-traffic area. Glad to hear that you got away with it! The outdoor under the stars thing is probably the most beautiful concept. We see it in movies all the time, but it would be a real experience to be able to enjoy that.
    @Jess – I’m not sure which part of the article classifies as “ick & raunch”, but if it doesn’t appeal to you – don’t do it. If you’re more comfortable enjoying your passion in the comfort of your home, please do and not a soul will judge you for it. There are, however, thrill seekers among us who crave something more, without hurting anyone else in the process. Sex is not dirty.
    @Elly Lou – We should make it a group trip! Except, not like that… Well… We’ll just see where the evening takes us.

  22. I expected to see ‘icing’ make a second appearance in the article. I suppose the kitchen isn’t that original. Clearly I need a trip to Vegas.

  23. Wow, I have to say that this is the first article I’ve ever read on Toy With Me that brought out that gut reaction of “this is pretty offensive.” Normally I feel that this site expertly walks the fine line between exploring sexuality in all its shapes and the ick factor that makes so many people keep their mouths and their minds shut. This article lacks the grace, eloquence and humor that keeps discussions of the more “deviant” sides of sex out of the ick & raunch, and should not have made the cut. Bad choice, Toy With Me.

  24. The most exciting, or at least the most visible, place I’ve ever had sex is in the hallway of my apartment complex. I have no idea if any of my neighbors were peering through their peepholes watching us, but it was still pretty thrilling.

    I am still wanting that outdoor on a blanket under the stars sex. Not really a beach…just a large field or maybe a grassy knoll. The trickling water of a nearby river would be a nice touch.

  25. I have a fantasy of doing it in a public bathroom. I’ve done it once, but the restaurant was empty, so it doesn’t really count.

    Car sex is nice, especially if you have a sun roof and can find a place in the desert where you can pull off the road and look up at the stars while you’re getting laid (involves a bit of contortionism but was able to lean the front seat back and look up.)