Crissy Reviews The OhMiBod Freestyle Vibrator

When Toy With Me asked me to review the Freestyle OhMiBod vibrator, I have to admit I only agreed to do it because I thought it was the silliest thing I’ve ever heard of.

I mean come on now! A music driven vibrator?

LAME.

Who would want such a thing?

But then I thought about it some more and I pictured our teenage babysitter (or someone like her. Is that illegal? Picturing your kid’s babysitter using a vibrator? Probably.) really enjoying the shit out of the thing because you know how kids are with their crazy rock and roll music.

Hooligans.

Anyway, I realized that it’s actually a cool idea for people who really get into music. It’s wireless, so you can plug it into your iPod or your iPhone or any kind of mp3 player, or even your computer or your home stereo so your whole family can hear you while you, um…rock out with your vibe out. Or in, as the case may be. I plugged it into my laptop because I do not own an iPod or an iPhone or an mp3 player.

I know.

WHO’S LAME NOW, CRISSY?

My first problem was deciding what kind of music my vagina likes. I mean, I’ve never asked it that question before. Or, any other question, actually. Maybe my gynecologist knows? Who knows what they talk about down there. There must be some kind of small talk, don’t you think? Otherwise it would be awkward as ass.

I assume.

So I logged on to here where they have playlists created by people’s gynecologists.

No.

I’m only kidding.

Their vaginas created the playlists.

Silly.

And this is all very new to me as someone who does not own any technology that hasn’t been around since 1984. How the hell should I know how to download iTunes?

Rubbing One Out To Bon Jovi

Certain that she would know what to do, I considered calling my teenage babysitter to help me, but I thought that might be a tad inappropriate. So, I had to borrow an iPod from my neighbor. (We’re very close, obviously. I mean going to your neighbor to borrow a cup of sugar is one thing, going over to borrow an iPod so you can masturbate with it is quite another.), because I wanted to see how the OhMiBod worked with an iPod. It’s very easy to use, even for someone like me who remembers playing cassette tapes and about giving myself carpal tunnel rubbing one out to my Jon Bon Jovi poster.

(Private note to Jon Bon Jovi: Jon, I got my braces off! Call me!)

A Rave In My Vagina

So anyway, they have all these different playlists and depending on what you’re into, you can choose from hip hop, Pop, Goth, whatever your little vag desires, really. There’s a whole community of OhMiBod enthusiasts out there and they’re full of suggestions. I wasn’t totally nuts about them, so I went to my own community. My neighbor’s husband suggested I use Bolero. Actually, it was a brilliant suggestion, but I didn’t try it (yet).

I eventually tried an old school techno playlist with a few other, more bass-y things mixed in that my husband compiled for me because he’s super supportive like that. He also took the kids for a walk to the park so I didn’t have to call the babysitter and then go have a Rave in my vagina.

DJ Crissy in the hizzy!

Or, whatever.

So, I dropped acid (no I didn’t) and made myself comfortable. I plugged the dongle into my laptop, clicked play, and, well, I didn’t love it with the music on.

My Vagina Hates Techno

It works great, and it does all that it promises to do. The intensity control, active when in music mode and located on the dongle, is convenient but a little sensitive. It has a range of 20 or more feet, so there’s no big cord between the vibe and the controller and you don’t necessarily have to be in the same room with your music source. I had a ton of options to explore with regard to intensity and music selection, but as it turns out, I’m just not into having the music in me. Either that, or my vagina hates techno.

But what makes this toy pretty awesome and versatile is that it is highly dependent on what music you select. Clearly, I picked the wrong playlist, but I’ll try again next time and see how we roll. I may have a totally different experience with the right music and then the sky’s the limit! I can make every session I have with it a unique encounter, and that’s something other vibes don’t offer–the possibilities truly are limitless.

Lucky for me this time, it also works without music and has a manual button with seven pulsating patterns, just in case you’re not in the mood for musical accompaniment. Once I switched it to that mode, I had a nice quiet party instead of the rave I had been planning.

It’s also rechargeable and doesn’t need batteries and it can go for 5 hours. 5 HOURS! Seriously. God help me if it ever takes me 5 hours to get off. I mean, just land the plane already, Crissy!

So even though I liked the programmed pulsations better than using it with the music, I still think the OhMiBod is a cool product and I can see why it has a big following and lots of people sharing their playlists.

There’s a lot of rock and roll hoochie koos out there!

ROCK. ON.

Click play to watch me get my freak on.

Treat yourself to your very own OhMiBod Freestyle  at Edens Fantasy

Specs:

• Control music volume and vibration intensity idependently
  25 ft. (7.5 m) range from wireless 2.4GHz transmitter
  Rechargable battery for up to 5 hours of pleasure
  Splash Proof
  Body friendly materials • Phthalate free
  Powerful motor • whisper quiet
  Velvety finish with chrome accents
  Convenient travel case and adapters for play around the globe
  1 year manufacturer’s warranty

Compatibility

• • All iPod® models
  • iPhone™
  • mp3 players
  • Home audio systems

Treat yourself to your very own OhMiBod Freestyle  at Edens Fantasy

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About the Author

Crissy,a lifelong Rhode Islander, is 35 and has two little girls. Aside from doing a little bit of writing here and there, she doesn’t use a shred of her MA in English. She writes a blog where she is Queen of *&%$#@* Everything and reigns over her readers, whom she calls Queefs, with a loving but firm hand. In both 2008 and 2009 Crissy won the Blogger’s Choice Award for Hottest Mommy Blogger.