Ophoria Beyond 1 G-Spot Vibrator Review

The fine folks at Ohporia were kind enough to send me their brand new Ophoria Beyond 1 G-Spot vibe for review. Yaaaay!

My new friend arrived in a pale pink box that said Ophoria,”Sample for your review” and “Fine Bedroom Toys” on it.

Yeah.

And because of that, our delivery guy did a double take when placing the box on our porch, the dirty bird. I don’t really give a crap, but the somewhat less than discreet packaging might bother some people. You know, the kind of people who don’t use sex toys and then tell God and everyone on the Internet about the experience? Those people might not like being judged by their delivery guy. I’m just guessing. I have no idea what “normal” people are like. They kind of give me the creeps, actually.

Perhaps it’s just the special box they use to send to reviewers to help them come out of the closet as chronic masturbators.

Hello, my name is Crissy, and I use power tools in the bedroom.

STOP JUDGING ME, DELIVERY GUY!

Ahem.

And when I showed it to my husband, he was surprised that I picked a g-spot vibe.

Ken: You’re not really a g-spot girl, you know.

Me: I think I am.

Ken: Nope. You’re a clit girl.

Me: Oh. Then why did I get a g-spot vibe?

Ken: …?

Me: I’m really a clit girl?

Ken: Maybe you’re both, but I always thought it was more clit than g-spot.

Me: Shit. I got the wrong thing.

Ken: Nice job. Maybe you’ll like it.

Me: Maybe. It says “Discover Yourself” on the front of this catalog thingy they included…

So I haven’t even tried it at this point, and I didn’t know it was an Educational Tool (why couldn’t they have put THAT on the box?), but it so is! I’ve learned two things already and I haven’t even turned the thing on yet:

1) my delivery guy is a Nosy Newsington and

B) I don’t know shit about my own body.

Sweet!

The vibe is made of very, very silky smooth silicone, and I like the luscious pink color ( I’d have preferred the purple one, but nobody asked me about my favorite color, so whatever. Pink is nice too. It also comes in velvety black, by the way.)

It came with it’s own batteries which is awesome because there’s nothing more frustrating than having to hunt for batteries when you’re trying to rub one out or vibrate one out or whatever. I usually just wind up taking them out of my TV remote and forgetting all about it. My husband loves when I do this.

Serious Power

There’s only one button to press to turn it on, change speeds, and turn it off. The first setting seemed pretty fast to me and I wondered if we could sand our floors with it (you can’t. I tried.). It has 9 different settings and some of them pulsate, which is kind of nice if you’re the sort of lady who likes to mix it up a little bit. I found all the settings overwhelming, but that’s probably just me.

Shhh, It’s Quiet

It’s surprisingly quiet for how powerful it is, and I was glad for it just in case that Nosy Newsington delivery guy was at the door, he wouldn’t be able to hear me and my new playmate getting acquainted. And I’m not exactly what you’d call Good With Electronics, so it took me a few tries to turn it off, and for a minute I was all “how do you stop this crazy thing?” but then I tried holding the button down for a second. Duh. There’s only one button, it shouldn’t be a problem, Crissy…

Seriously, I’m Shy…

And I’m feeling a little shy about telling you the rest of the details (this sudden shyness is as surprising to me as it is to you) about how I got my husband involved in the tryings out, and how the delivery guy came to the door to see if I was okay because I may or may not have been very verbally enthusiastic about “discover(ing) myself” and so I will just yada, yada, yada through all the best parts of this review and tell you that

I am a g-spot girl!

The Ophoria Beyond 1 G Spot Vibe?

Very nice.

Product Features:
curved form targeting g spot, 9 vibration modes, whisper quiet technology™, one touch operation

Includes:
jewelry style travel pouch, full user manual, one year limited waranty, 2 X AAA batteries

Length 7.5″ (19cm)
Width 1.5″ (3.8cm) at thickest point
Requires 2 x AAA batteries (included)

Possibly related goodness:

1. Je Joue Gi-Ki Review – Gumby For Your G-spot!
2. FixSation Couple’s Vibrator Review
3. LELO LILY Review

About the Author

Crissy,a lifelong Rhode Islander, is 35 and has two little girls. Aside from doing a little bit of writing here and there, she doesn’t use a shred of her MA in English. She writes a blog where she is Queen of *&%$#@* Everything and reigns over her readers, whom she calls Queefs, with a loving but firm hand. In both 2008 and 2009 Crissy won the Blogger’s Choice Award for Hottest Mommy Blogger. In 2010, Crissy was chosen as one of Blogher's voices of the year.