In my pole dancing class (yes, I’m slightly obsessed, but I’ll get over it soon, I promise) there is this woman. She’s about my age, maybe a little younger, and she loves, loves, loves to dance. I know this because during transition times in class when our teacher is changing songs or adjusting her high heeled boots, this woman (we’ll call her “Tap Shoes” because she showed up for class wearing her tap shoes one day) takes the opportunity to posture herself in the mirror. She arches her back dramatically, she throws her arms up in the air with proud jazz hands, she kicks out a leg, all while making Sexyface at herself. It looks like she’s practicing her poses for one of those dance recital pictures you see where the person in the picture is all decked out in her dance costume, striking a dance-y pose.
Tap Shoes carries on like this at every possible opportunity. The part of me who’s a catty bitch sees this and makes eye contact with The Rabbi so we can laugh at her with our minds. But then there’s the other side of me who is actually happy for Tap Shoes because she’s found something that makes her feel sexy and alive, even if she looks ridiculous and sucks a little bit. I mean seriously, I wish you guys could see how she dorks out and she doesn’t even give a shit. I might even be jealous of this.
You go with your wacky self, Crazy Tap Shoe lady!
I, on the other hand, do not feel particularly sexy in class.
I signed up for it because I was hoping it would help me find my mojo, but instead I feel bruised and inadequate. (Here’s where my pig husband would be all “hey, bruised and inadequate–that’s sexy!,” but I disagree. He’s such a hormone.) It’s hard to feel sexy whilst flailing around a metal pole.
Maybe that will change, though.
I’m sort of this permanent quest for things that make me feel sexy because most of the time, I don’t feel pretty or sexy at all. There are, however, a few things I’ve discovered that make me feel sexy deep down inside. Some of them are the predictable, superficial things that are probably pretty common and some are not so obvious.
1. I love to buy lipstick. When I find something that looks pretty, I walk around for days making Angelina Jolie Poutyface at myself in every reflective surface I can find. Plus, it’s cheap and in seemingly unlimited supply, making it an ideal product to hoard. My lips are one part of my body I have absolutely no issues with, so that’s a bonus.
2. I do exactly the same thing with nail polish. In fact, I’ve been feeling like shit lately and have purchased TWO new colors in the past week (if anyone’s found the perfect shade of orange, let me know–it’s elusive!). It, also, is cheap and comes in 10,000 different colors, so there’s always one I don’t have. The best part is when my husband gets in the mood to do a full-on pedicure and makes my toezies look pretty (he’s just a little bit g-a-y but we’ve discussed this already. He’s reading Allure magazine as we speak.).
3. This one is a recent discovery, but wearing high heels is a big one! A few weeks ago I put on a very Maryanne-ish pair of wedgie sandals and felt like a tall, long-legged goddess. I glided through my day and felt like I was in charge. I went back out and bought another pair after that.
I can hear some of you complaining already: “these are all so superficial, Crissy!” And you’re right–they are. But this post isn’t about whether superficiality is right or wrong. What I KNOW is that looking good makes me feel confident, and feeling confident is a prerequisite to feeling sexy.
There are some things that get my juices flowing that aren’t quite so superficial, too.
1. Hearing a really great song–something with energy, bounce and a good beat and that’s not emo.
2. Getting enough sleep. This one is very hard to come by these days, with a 13 month old and a 5 year old. There is no such thing as sleeping past 5:30am, no matter what bedtime is. Without enough sleep I’m a wicked bitch and I’m prone to epic fucktardery. So. Not. Sexy.
3. Having a kick-ass workout to raise my endorphins (ever rubbed one out after doing yoga? I highly recommend it. Nothing can ruin your day after that, I promise). The workout part isn’t sexy per se, but the afterglow is divine. From what I’ve read, working out also releases testosterone and human growth hormone which both bolster libido. I don’t know if that’s what’s happening to me, but I can tell you that I feel strong and and less anxious if I’ve gotten some exercise in the morning and that leaves room for The Sexy.
4. Laughter is a big one! I chalk this one up to effects similar to working out–mostly stress relief and the endorphin rush. A good teary eyed, tinkle in my panties laugh puts me in such an awesome mental and emotional space, I totally understand why so many single ladies are looking for “someone who makes me laugh.” It’s hot!
5. Swimming or anything involving water. I’m a Cancer, which is a water sign. This has to explain why water revives me and makes me feel most alive (I don’t have to tell you about how much I love Sexy Time in the pool, do I?) I even kind of like the feeling of a wet bathing suit after I get out. Showers and baths work too, but swimming is the best. Plus you know that everybody is CLEAN, which is never a bad thing.
Anyway, I’m going to open it up to you Toy with Mes now because–compared to you crazy sexy people–I’m fucking boring. What makes you feel sexy… not horny, but sexy. And for the boy Toy with Mes, is there something you do for yourself that makes you feel attractive, or is this totally a chick thing?
Photo by stockimages.