Men – I’ll Take The Good With The Bad

I like the dick. OK, I l-o-v-e it. If there were man-flavored ice cream, I’d pop Lactaid every day and fold on my dairy-free lifestyle. As an intro to this week’s redheaded goodness, I’ll give you a few things about men that make we want to dress-up in my best kinky cheerleader outfit and do something dirty with pom poms:

  1. Smell – Oh, how I love the Man Stank. If you’ve never smelled a man after a six-hour bike ride, you’re missing out. I believe firmly in the power of pheromones and will nestle firmly in the crook of my man’s arm, taking in his M-A-N. Now, it doesn’t mean I don’t want him to shower for three days, but it does mean that I get it that people sweat. Men smell good when they sweat. They smell like ass when they wash with AXE body wash.
  2. Sensibility – Men are practical creatures for the most part. They keep underwear for ten years, use the same pan for eggs each morning and rarely change the bed sheets until you give them the “what’s THAT?!” point in reference to one of the 17 sundry stains. Hey, it saves water and electricity, and admit it – it’s usually dark when you bone and they’re probably YOUR body fluids. I can appreciate the gallon jug of Heinz ketchup in the fridge, too. While the squeeze bottle might have fit better in the door, men know a deal when they see one and you can’t really blame them for hopping on the vat-o-ketchup for $4.99.
  3. Style – Men can pull off a t-shirt ANYWHERE. Here I am, getting dolled-up in my best and trying to decide if I’m going to wear the strappy black Charles David sandals or the brown suede Steve Maddens and my man is dressed in one of three pairs of jeans, one of seven pairs of shoes and a t-shirt that (damn him) matches every one of those pairs of shoes! How they hell do they DO that!?!!!

Not so long ago, The Huffington Post posted an article about annoying male traits and had users rate how “forgivable” they were. Are we really still talking about the differences between the male and female brains (and is this information so fucking shocking that we need an entire book about it)?

Here’s the bottom line: I like dick. I said it before and I’ll say it again: give me an M-A-N. I covered it last year in Blow Jobs and Reassurance: A Girl’s Guide to World Peace and I’m going to cover what The Huffington Post left out today. If you want to date a woman, start hitting for the same team. Otherwise, stop it with your whiny bitch routine and embrace the fact that in front of you, you have a real, live M-A-N.

Questionable Man-havior 1
Cuts You Off When You’re Venting With A Solution To Your Problem

Get over yourself. Men are problem-solvers. Ever wonder why they wake up with hard-ons every morning? Aside from the fact that they’re DELICIOUS, hard-ons are problem solving. Men think more clearly after they’ve had sex. Women? We tend to think less clearly. We confuse sex with love and men think “Wow – I wonder if I have time to put a new chain on my bike before I leave for the office if we go for round 2…” Men like to get to the point, solve problems and move on. Women like to TALK about problems. Solution? Blow jobs. They keep your mouth busy and your man happy. Problem solved.

Questionable Man-havior 2
Goes Overboard With Protective Instincts

A-fucking-MEN! Kill the spiders, pick up the baseball bat when something goes bump in the night and grab my arm so I don’t walk into traffic. He cares and doesn’t want you to DIE! Men protect things they care about. So long as he doesn’t have you chained-up in the basement or install a GPS on your car and check it every time you take a trip, he cares. Let him care. You bitch about him NOT caring, so please…let him be protective. And be honest – you’re NOT going to kill the spiders. God knows, I’m not.

Questionable Man-havior 3
Too Ready To Fight

I’m not looking for a raging drunk who’s going to kick into ballroom blitz mode every time we go out, but I do like a competitive man. Men bust each other’s balls and have ongoing Whose Is Bigger? contests. Let them have it. I think women are more ready to fight than men are, especially when it comes to our hurt feelings. We will go nine rounds in a cage with a dude who forgot that they met us exactly seven months ago TODAY but we’ll berate a man who’s playing My Dick’s Bigger with his buddies? Lighten the fuck up – it doesn’t have anything to do with you, honey.

Questionable Man-havior 4
He’s Possessive

Admittedly, I like a little jealously. If we’re going back to GPS checking on the car mode again, that’s a little much, but I like it when a man gets a little possessive. Dogs mark their territory with urine. Men are little different. They pee on girls. You’ve all seen it and you know when it’s happening. Women are, in a very base sense, something for men to OWN. While our relationships may be a blissful exchange and equal partnership to the outside world, guys will pee on you every now and then. It’s a compliment. Embrace the pee.

Questionable Man-havior 5
He Had No Clue You Were About To Cry

Of course he didn’t. We’re hormonal. I don’t know about you, but I can cry on a dime. Dudes just aren’t wired that way and be glad they’re not. I need the Keith in the Six Feet Under scenario, not the David (though I do like me some Dexter…). Men will gradually become more comfortable around you if you let them know it’s OK. If you bash them for not being sensitive enough, they’re going to stop trying. Quit kicking your puppy. Pet him. He’ll pet you back in the way he knows how.

Questionable Man-havior 6
He Wants Too Much Sex

Ummm…is this possible? If you don’t want to bone your man, what DO you want to do with him? Guys can only talk so much. Girls? Oh hell…we’ll talk their balls blue. When you deny a man’s instinct to HAVE you, you’re denying who he is and of what he’s made. This is why men fuck around. Give it up, and shut up. That doesn’t mean you can’t talk when you need to or want to. Sometimes, honey – they just don’t want to hear us talk. Why is a sex drive bad? You’d complain if you weren’t getting any. Why complain that you are?

Questionable Man-havior 7
He Looks At Other Women

Is be breathing? Does he have a pulse? You look at other men. I look at other men. Strange is HOT. It doesn’t change that you’re the one he comes home to every night. Let him have it and stop making him feel bad for looking at something pretty. He looked at you like that once, after all. Hope he still does.

Questionable Man-havior 8
He’s Too Quick To Anger

Again, if the quick-to-fight drunk describes your other half, that’s not attractive. But again – testosterone. Ever seen a female bodybuilder snap (or a male one for that matter)? You’ve heard about Roid Rage. Testosterone gives men their brawn, heft and awesomely shaped hip bones (drool). Love them for having it. Otherwise, you’d be dating a girl. And if you want to date a girl, that’s cool, too. Just know that if you want a man who acts like a girl, you may need to address your wants and needs…

So, here’s where I’ll ask: what’s so bad about men being men? Dear Redhead readers, I want you to tell me. I delight in the fact that my man acts like one and while I don’t always like what he says and how he says it, I’m sure the feeling is mutual. However, I do adore The Man for being a M-A-N. Hip bones on which I want to nibble, the strength to bust a nut (literally) with a box wrench, the ability to lift bulky boxes and the good ‘ol Texas Hangdown…they’re all damn fine reasons to get up in the morning. And quite frankly, I’m tired of the womanly whining. If you want to be with someone just like you, date a twin or buy a clone. I adore the delightful opposites and quirky contrasts that come along with the male/female coupling ritual. I’m thinking maybe you do, too…thoughts?

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47 comments

  1. richie

    i love this site. you can kick me in the balls as many times as you like and as often as you like. I live in littleton. I am a man.If you have the balls bring it on.

    Richie

  2. Lex

    With reference to the above post, I think you may be appreciating the distinction between a boy and a man. I like men and sometimes they do need leaving to it a bit, for example, there's no power on earth that could cure mine of his peurile humour, but whilst he is protective and supportive, he stops short of jealousy. I don't find the 'metrosexual' type appealing at all but that doesn't mean that a man can't be yummily gruff and masculine and have a sensitive side too. A nice balance please?

  3. Lex

    With reference to the above post, I think you may be appreciating the distinction between a boy and a man. I like men and sometimes they do need leaving to it a bit, for example, there's no power on earth that could cure mine of his peurile humour, but whilst he is protective and supportive, he stops short of jealousy. I don't find the 'metrosexual' type appealing at all but that doesn't mean that a man can't be yummily gruff and masculine and have a sensitive side too. A nice balance please?

  4. ScienceGeek

    Although I can see where you're going with this one, and I think the original article deserved a response celebrating men, I can't get behind you on this one. It seems like you got a little caught up in your arguments and ended up verring dangerously close to condoning some pretty shitty behaviour.

    All the 'I don't mean the guys who are TOO possessive' arguments in the world don't hide the faint hint of antiseptic. You know, the antiseptic found in hospitals, where beaten women try to tell their doctors 'he only does it because he loves me so much'? Yeah, that smell. I imagine it smells like pee.

    And I'm sure you've seen a fight before. So I'm sure you know they're not like the movies. They're not glorious masculine dances, they're ugly slapstick that end with somebody bleeding, crying, or jailed. There's nothing sexy about a guy who enjoys fighting. If he's that eager to fight or compete against his friends, he's not going to ease up when it's you, is he?

    I don't want a soft woman, I want a strong man. One capable of opening jars and hoisting me onto his cock when we're really going for it. But I think the sexiest kind of strength is self-control. Frankly, Redhead, some of the characteristics you're celebrating are those of men who have none.

  5. PrivateGuy

    There is NO WAY this article was written by a woman. I don’t believe it. This is clearly a man masquerading as a female and writing awesome stuff on the internet about how women complain about anything and everything. I simply do not accept that the female body can contain enough awesomeness to produce an article such as this.

    However, if I’m wrong, the next article needs to be “How to be Awesome so Your Man Doesn’t Leave You for The Redhead”. I would make it required reading for anyone who wants to continue a relationship with me.

    • My dear, I can assure you that I am 100% femme (and my better half will back me up/bend me over). I appreciate your endorsement on my inherent awesomeness. I think part of the issue is that many women are looking to CHANGE a mate instead of find a mate they can love. Therein lies the issue that many women have with all that is M-A-N.

      I'll see what I can do for accommodating your request in this week's blog 🙂

      (.)(.) <<< 34 D and Me

  6. Amanda

    I love men. The hips bones, the shoulders, the jaw line, the dick. There are no questionable man behaviors: they are men. Differences are what make us interesting! If I wanted somebody with a sensitive feminine side I'd pick up a woman…. but I don't: because I'm addicted to dick. Women whine too much about men …. good god. Thank you for writing this!

  7. I understand the "meat and bones" of this article and I too am physically attracted to rugged looking men. However, the tone of this article is somewhat "boys will be boys" meets "feminist sexual revolution". Just because I like my man to look like a man, doesn't mean I want to be married to an eternal 21 year old. I do not subscribe to that "boys will be boys" attitude and I do not raise my son that way. I don't think turning your cheek while your significant other stares at another woman is "ok because he comes home to me" is a healthy mindset. Also, I don't look at my husband as someone to just have sex with. He is my lifepartner and my best friend. The question is: When men exhibit "questional man behavior" and we as women pat them on the back for it with the excuse of "boys will be boys", how does that reflect upon us?

    • Chelsea

      This is the comment I have been waiting for. I thought the exact same thing when I read the article. Regrettably, I have to admit, this is the last TWM article I will read. Although I often find TWM content to be well written and entertaining, I have always been increasingly concerned about the anti-feminist, "traditional," and pro-patriarchy language that, to me, is becoming more and more prevalent. That this kind of rhetoric comes from the minds of women is more distressing.

      • I'm no longer following this site either. I do like one of the writers (Aunt Becky) and follow her personal blog, but every other time I come on here I end up wondering why.

        I'm so glad to see I wasn't the only person.

    • I'm not a "manly man" to the hyperbolic extent that The Redhead is talking about here. That would be a bit of a caricature of a man. By and large the points are worth noting, and it's a shortcoming of the English language that makes it a bit less easily held onto. For example, in the "possessiveness" point, if there was a whole other word in the English language to describe that caring, protective, and yet "I'm not sure I'm happy about the drooling way that guy is looking at my wife" emotion other than "possessiveness" we would use it.

      I don't know very many women who would be at a social situation with another man completely fawning, flirting, and slobbering over them (in a way that everyone at the gathering could easily identify, not just the "possessive" man) and not be a little hurt or disappointed if they looked over at their man and he kind of gave her a shrug as if to say "Doesn't bother me in the least."

      In any event, my main reason for replying is to ask you to consider carefully before playing the "immaturity" card. By describing some of our "typically male" behaviour as simply the behaviour exhibited by a 21-year old, you are not only devaluing aspects of our personality that are core to our being, but you are likely setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment when you realize that virtually all men have this 21-year old in them. Those that don't seem to at first will show him eventually once you get to know the man. And when the "21-year old" meets you, don't be disappointed or angry, be happy that he has trusted you enough to let his guard down and be that guy. The real him. Not a 21-year old, but a grown and mature man, happy to be in his own skin around you.

      I'm raising a son of my own. I can guarantee you that I will never teach him that he has to suppress any part of himself just to win a woman's approval. A real woman will love him for being himself, just as my wife loves me.

      • I will never ever teach my son to suppress anything of himself to please a woman either. However, I am raising him to be a sensitive loving and open-minded person. Am I the Queen of Mature? Absolutely not. Do I expect men to walk around acting like stuffed shirts? Absolutely not. However, I do expect men to be respectful. PERIOD.

      • And I do have to back up Greg – I'm 37. Twice-divorced. I've been on a lot of dates. The behaviors described by the Huffington Post article (which THIS article was a response to) know no age barriers. Just as "typical" female behaviors don't. And the knife cuts both ways: great relationships are built on trust and respect for each person in a relationship bringing what THEY bring to the table. And sometimes that's a dick. And I like that. And I *really* like when he puts his arm around me in a mildly "possessive" way. I do the same to him on occasion 🙂

    • Actually, my take on women complaining about male behaviors is anything BUT radical feminist vs boys will be boys. I adore men and all they are and ACCEPT there are fundamental differences in how we think, act and relate.

      Men will always look. So will women. I don't see my partner as someone to just have sex with – he's my lover and friend as well. I'm not patting anyone on the back for any type of behavior. But consider this: if we spent less time bitching about how men act and more on appreciating their contributions to our lives, I think THAT'S a better allocation of time, don't you?

      And apologies for not responding sooner. Intense Debate collapses comment threads and I simply didn't see this one. We're sorry to see you go and have enjoyed you while you've been here. Your comments are always insightful and not mere back-patting or disagreement. You're our "dream commentator" – engaged. So thanks for contributing.

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