You Are Not Bi. You Are Just A Slut

Girls kissing girlsI’ll be honest: I really can’t fucking take it anymore. Seriously. So, before I say anything else, let me start by saying that if you actually are bisexual, then I’m not talking about you in this article. If you can picture yourself in a loving, sexual relationship with a person of either gender, then congratulations, you are an ACTUAL bisexual person. However, if you are one of those people who went out, got drunk off of Schlitz, kissed a girl/boy (as appropriate) on a dare, and then went home and listened to Katy Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl” on repeat for four hours, you, my friend, are not bi. You. Are. Slutty. Yes, I am making that judgment call, people. ENOUGH. Not everyone in the world has to be bisexual! Which brings me to the point of this article:

The point, and I really want you people to take this away and think about it, is that it’s ok to be slutty. Embrace your sluttiness, folks!

The Double Standard

But people seem hesitant to run with this idea. In fact, if you met a man, and he told you that he’d only ever had two lovers, you might congratulate him on his morals, but you can’t tell me you wouldn’t experience a very quick moment of “holy shit! really?!” Then compare that to a woman who says the same; do you think you’d have the same reaction? Honestly? Even in this day and age, I still feel like the sexuality of a woman is more acceptable, but only if it’s within certain boundaries. You can sleep with men before you get married, but not too many. If you, as a woman, really must get some action though, it’s “cooler” to do it with other women, because that’s hot – according to Hollywood. How many damn movies have you seen with girls kissing girls in the promos? Enough! Gone with the Wind doesn’t need a remake with Scarlet and Mammy making out!

I have a friend from college who had a “girlfriend.” Once a month or so, they would end up at the same party, kiss, then run around squealing the next day about how they’re “bi.” Surprisingly, this didn’t go over well for the actual lesbians who would sit at the table with me, wondering when my friend would get to the good part about the strap-on and the strawberry flavored lube.

Sometimes You Just have to be A Little Slutty

Why can’t we just admit that we’re slutty sometimes? What’s wrong with that? What is wrong with saying, “you know, I don’t particularly want to date this person, or bring them home to my parents, but I am damn horny right now, and, let’s be fair, any port in a storm, right?” That’s OK. I’ve totally had those nights where all you can think is, “does it have a pulse? Is it human and over the age of 18? GAME ON!” and while it’s not a lifestyle choice I’d continue once I reached adulthood, though I can think of worse things to be than slutty, I don’t judge it.

Sex Can Be Messy

Why do people do that to themselves? Why does every sexual encounter have to “mean something?” Why does it have to be in the context of either a relationship or something that another onlooker might find arousing? Sex is messy, and sometimes you get into positions where things are not looking as flattering as they could. My friend Stu, who’s a very sweet Dominant in the DC area says he has more problems with women who don’t want to be in certain sexual positions, not because they don’t enjoy them, but because they think it doesn’t look flattering (their “pudge” might show). It drives him crazy. Who cares? Why are you judging yourself, or any part of this experience, as if it was going to be on HBO later tonight?

I Bet Martha Stewart Has An Inner Slut

Look, you have two options in life: you can sit around and judge every last aspect of your life, including sex, which I deeply believe will turn you into a crazy person who organizes pieces of string for hours (see: Martha Stewart), or you can say, “I don’t have to qualify or examine the experience I am about to have. I can just have it, and it doesn’t have to mean anything more than me learning about myself.” There’s nothing wrong with learning more about yourself through your sexuality, but you as a human diminish yourself when you try to explain the experience in socially-acceptable terms. By that I mean, you can be with another person of the same gender, and you don’t have to re-examine how you define your sexuality, if you choose to define it at all.

Be Yourself

Now, I’ve been talking about sleeping around, yes, but I’m not promoting un-safe sex. You should always have safety conversations with whomever you decide to explore. What I am saying in this article, however, is that you can do what you want, but be honest with yourself about it. Enjoy the experience. Live life, your entire life, to its fullest, whether that’s with three partners, or thirty. Be honest about your sexuality, your interests, your body, and your partner, and if you find that on the spectrum of sexual experiences, you are entirely hetero, gay, or bi, then that’s ok, too. If you define yourself entirely as hetero, please, for the love of G-D, don’t feel pressured by magazines or movies to find another woman and paw the hell out of her while mentally going over your “to-do” list. Don’t let a current partner pressure you into experiences you already know that you don’t want to have.

Being comfortable enough to accept your sexuality as you are can mean doing everything under the sun, or just being self-aware enough to know what you like, and stick to it. Don’t let the media influence you into redefining who you are, but be honest about whoever that is. If you’re slutty, OWN the sluttiness. BE the sluttiness!

So tell me…. How do YOU embrace your inner slut?



  1. Canadian Caffeinator

    I disagree with Undertheivy's claim.
    "Your belief that every woman who connects with other women on a sexual level and not both sexual and emotional is somehow trying to be "trendy" is extremely offensive."
    This is not rocket science people. Just try to understand the greater truth. It's gotta be sexual, that's what the sexuality part stands for.
    Homosexuality is inherintly sexual, as the word implies. Same gender sexual preferences. Bisexuality, both gender sexual preferences. Heterosexuality, opposite gender sexual preferences. I may enjoy living with my sister and 13 cats in an emotional relationship when I get to be 75, but if it's not sexual, then it's not sexuality. It's just two old biddies who love each other and want to share their lives. Every connection we have is an emotional relationship. What we're discussing here is sexuality. Sexuality doesn't mean you have to want to settle down with someone, in same or different or pultiple gendred bliss. Not everyone wants to get married, or partnered, or live ith their lover(s) even. Me, I'm hetero, and proud of it. I revel in feeling like a woman, and knowing that I am a good opposite match for an equally hetero man. I'm not homo/biphobic. I just know what I like, and what I don't. Also that I not into sharing. But I do feel insulted when I see people I KNOW would classify themselves as hetero acting like they're bi for attention from men, and only when inebriated. It speaks to me of insecurities and a general inability to value themselves for their own powerful sexuality, and i equate it with getting drunk and humping the nearest parked unoccupied copcar. Humping vehicles only when drunk doesn't make some suddenly a vehicularsexual. It makes someone an idiot who makes very poor choices when under the influence of alcohol I dislike seeing people pressured to do things they wouldn't when drunk, whatever the thing might be. It's taking their right to a clear choice away. People who say peer pressured and socially pressured people are free to make their own choice are idiots.
    Songs that laud making out with other girls and not being homo/bisexual only further the idea that women are free to show slutty behaviour and can just claim oh, they're bi, but you'll notice the average guy can't just walk into a frat party, start making out with some random guy in front of a few girls, and then claim they're bi without the hetero males there doing some damage to him. This tells me it's a fad, and not a socially accepted sexual preference.

    and.. it's 2am, my brain's done.. sorry if I've left some loose threads in my post.

  2. undertheivy

    Your directives here just annoy me, to be honest.
    Unfortunately I've been attracted to women since I was 7 yrs old. It just never went away. But it's mostly physical attraction and not emotional. I don't feel unfulfilled because I'm not cuddling with a girl on Sunday morning. But I DO find myself needing to be with women sometimes. Finding someone that I click with and yes, I'll sleep with her and often that's all it will end up being. But you telling me that I must call myself a slut because of that is ridiculous. I also agree that bisexual doesn't really fit. Unfortunately it's all I can say that is universally understood without having to go into a long drawn out explanation which makes me sound like I'm trying to justify my behaviour or something. I'm afraid I've not done enough to call myself pansexual just yet, so what do I classify myself as when asked to describe my sexual preferences to, let's say, a first date or filling out a form or a profile on a website? I don't feel heterosexual is adequate, I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry that it bugs you.

    I have no personal issue with the word slut, and in fact I quite like it since I have my own personal interpretation of it, but by true definition it means you are promiscuous and I'm not. Not these days. I'm not going to tell a new man in my life so yeah, I'm a SLUT. It's not the first description of my sexuality that's going to be expressed. It's far too loaded a word. Even in the so-called sex positive community it's a negative and derogatory word. They have to add a modifier to it to make it okay: "Ethical Slut" implies you are still respectable while slut just means you have no standards whatsoever and go around harming other people as well as yourself.

    Related Words for : slut
    adulteress, fornicatress, hussy, jade, loose woman
    View more related words »

    slut (slŭt)



    A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.

    A woman prostitute.

    A slovenly woman; a slattern.

    From the online slang dictionary
    Honestly, would you truly go around proclaiming this and self-identifying this way? I don't think so. If you did I think you'd find out PDQ that it was a stupid move.

    Your belief that every woman who connects with other women on a sexual level and not both sexual and emotional is somehow trying to be "trendy" is extremely offensive. This is who I am and it's been that way for almost 20 yrs (I didn't act on this as an adult until I was in my 20s which is when I'm counting from, but as I said the attraction to women began when I was a child. It never went away and only got more intense…it became a need and to say that's flighty and flaky is really closed-minded of you.)

    Oh, and out of curiosity? What should men who have primary relationships with women but are physically attracted to men, have sex with men but not emotional relationships with men…what should they be calling themselves exactly?? "Slut" would be a free ride–it does not have the same negative connotations as it does for a woman.

    We all get that you are a superior bisexual but trying to degrade other people for not fitting your mold is really disappointing. Sadly it's standard procedure in the GLBT community.

    "it's sad that an article that I'm sure was intended to be positive, ended up offending me and just reenforcing negative stereotypes about bisexuals. "


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