9.0
Score

Pros

  • quiet
  • waterproof
  • versatile

Cons

  • expensive

Last updated:

It’s been a running joke that I’ve had an abysmal collection of sex toys. I generally like jokes at my expense, even jokes about my crappy sex toy collection, but after I broke my thirty-fifth vibrator this year, I started listening to you guys. Actually, I was listening to you from the beginning, I just wasn’t going to do anything because I am lazy.

FINE, I said to myself, flouncing around my house histrionically, I need to buy better sex toys. Toy With Me has SPOKEN.

I vowed to treat my vagina the same way I treat my feet: with the utmost respect, and then, like a gift from the gods, my Toy With Me editors sent me something in the mail. It wasn’t shoes or even a can of Shut Your Whore Mouth. It was a Golden Ticket. Er, a Golden Vibrator.

You hear, “Golden Vibrator” and you figure that I’m probably full of shit. You figure it’s imitation gold or gold tinted or gold colored or maybe it was constructed near a gold factory or something, which is about what I thought. I’d never imagined that someone would make an actual gold vibrator (I also was shocked that someone made a diamond iPad case, but that is neither here nor there) and when my boss said, “No, it’s ACTUALLY gold,” I figured she was fucking with me.

She wasn’t.

I unwrapped my Jimmyjane Little Gold Vibrator and it was like the angels began to sing on high as the light of my 24 (fucking) carat gold vibrator shone from the box. I nearly wept. It was so…beautiful, this gold vibrator. Like a gift from vibrator heaven all for me, me, me!

Of course, I used it right away. Like I can resist a heaven-sent Golden Vibrator or something.

I’m telling you, Jimmyjane wasn’t kidding. The Jimmyjane Little Gold vibrator is real gold, not just some weird gimmick and it feels like the ultimate luxury in your hands. It has a nice heavy weight to it and it’s a good length (5.25″ x 0.67″) for a vibrator. And after years of using shitty cheap vibrators, Jimmyjane now has me by the proverbial balls (not real ones because I don’t HAVE balls but if I did, you’d be the first to know). Well played, Jimmyjane.

My new vibrator has a solid smooth twist glide from on to off and while there aren’t any bells or whistles associated with the 24-carat vibrator, trust me when I say it doesn’t matter. It’s luxury in a vibrator. Luxury I can put on my vagina. (how long have I wanted to put “luxury” and “vagina” in one sentence?”)(answer: forever)

So having a sleek, elegant, simple metal vibrator is full of the win. Plus, if you have a metal vibrator, you can either warm it up or cool it down to change the sensation. There’s plenty of mixing it up that can be done with that. Just don’t get the metal too hot. No one needs a burned crotch.

This is the vibrator that Kate Moss uses, so according to Vogue, it’s made the 24-carat vibrator incredibly popular. Who knew we were privy to what sort of vibrators celebrities used? But I can totally see why she’d want to use it. It’s elegant and refined and makes you feel like your really pampering your vagina. Also, it’s travel safe, (compact with a removable motor) which doesn’t mean the TSA won’t pull it out and gape at it, but they shouldn’t toss it into the garbage.

Now let’s get down (heh) to the nitty-gritty details of the Jimmyjane Little Gold Vibrator so all of you who want to buy it know exactly what’s up. The Little Gold Vibrator is waterproof so you can take it with you into the shower or submerge it into warm or cold water to mix up your experience, should you like. For a vibrator, it’s incredibly quiet, which means that for those of you with children, your kids won’t be running in to see if aliens are attacking in your bedroom. The vibrator comes with a three-year limited warranty, which is good for people like me who tend to break sex toys.

Jimmyjane also makes the Little Gold Vibrator in Platinum. I think I know what I’m getting myself for Christmas.

The best part of the Jimmyjane Little Gold, besides the amazing orgasms, is owning a sleek and sexy 24-carat gold vibrator. Plus, I’ve been able to run around my house yelling “I have the golden vibrator, motherfucker!” when my kids aren’t awake. It’s not quite Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but I’m thinking that would be an awesome porno. Someone should get on that so that I can watch it. Immediately, if not sooner.

Specifications

Quiet – Strong-yet-silent vibrations
Versatile – Internal, G-spot and clitoral stimulation
Patented Replaceable Motor – No vibrator burnout
Body-Safe – Medical-grade (and dishwasher-safe) 24K gold and stainless steel
Waterproof – Bath-friendly and completely washable
Travel-Ready – Compact with removable battery and motor
Battery Included – One AA (rechargeable batteries available separately)
Dimensions – 5.25″ x 0.67″
Three-Year Limited Warranty