Sexting: verb; a portmanteau of sex and texting; the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photos electronically, primarily between cell phones.

It all started years ago when the first long-distance couple decided that that newfangled communication device on the wall would be the perfect means of turning each other on across the miles, and phone sex was born. “Come on baby, what are you wearing?” But the whole dirty talk scenario requires quite a bit of privacy and the risk that someone is going to walk in on you just as you say “OK, now unzip your pants love muffin” is a bit disconcerting. How embarrassing.

Wanna Cyber?

Then the internet hit the scene and “wanna cyber?” became the catchphrase to get your rocks off over your dial-up connection, but there was always the possibility that someone would call you and break your internet connection right as things were starting to get good. Nothing ruins the mood like hearing a robotic voice say “Goodbye” right before the big finale. Internet connections did get better over the years, but in order to have cyber sex, you need to be in front of the computer, all tethered to that big, cumbersome machine. So the hot and horny members of society came up with an ingenious way of getting off, whenever and wherever, you want. It’s called sexting, and although it started as a scary phenomenon with teenagers across the country, it is, I have found, an awesome development for us married wives and moms.

The Best Thing Since Lube

Why is it awesome, you may ask? Well, in today’s day and age of superb technology, not only can you send sexy messages back and forth to your lovah, you can also send pictures practically in REAL TIME. Now as a mother, this makes me never want to allow my children to have a cell phone EVER, but as a wife with very limited time to have sexy time with her husband, and such a stressful life that it seems like a healthy libido is really hard to come by lately, it might be the best thing since lube.

Picture My Ta-Tas

Picture this. Well, don’t PICTURE it (you pervs). I’m home with the kids, bored out of my mind, feeling tired and frustrated, with nary an end in sight to the monotonous activities of daily living. My husband and I haven’t had sex in a while and it feels like we are never going to have the energy to ever again. So what do I do? I whip out my NV3, take a nice picture of my ta-tas and with a quick punch of the keys send it to him with a little note that says “I want you baby. Come home soon.”

It Gets You Both Hot

Now, this functions in a few different ways. Number one, it breaks up the routine of the day and adds a little fun and excitement to the excruciating mommy routine. Number 2, it gets both of you hot and motivated to try to stay awake long enough that night to actually get in some bedroom rumba. It’s easy foreplay that you don’t even have to shave your legs for. You might even find yourselves going back and forth for the rest of the afternoon, each of you trying to outdo each other on how much you can turn the other one on. AND nobody has to know that you are doing it, because it is oh-so discreet.

AND you can do it in your sweatpants and holey tee-shirt.

Win/win right?

Some Helpful Hints

Yes, sexting is a valuable tool for married couples, in my humble opinion. HOWEVER, there are some things to be aware of when undertaking this activity. So before you start snapping pics and texting your wildest fantasies, keep the following points in mind:

1) Always double check the phone number of the person you are sending your sexiness too. There is nothing worse than your dad, next-door neighbor or your son’s teacher getting a picture of your ass with a dildo shoved up it and the words “You’re next.” Not that that has happened to me or anything…really.

2) If you know that your significant other has a tendency for sending scantily clothed photos or raunchy messages, don’t open your phone in full view of others, such as in class or on a bus, where your nosy neighbor has a front row seat for your lover’s naughty bits. Well, unless you’re into picking up strangers on the bus, in which case it can be a lovely icebreaker.

3) Beware boners in the workplace. Nuff said.

4) Be sure to erase the pictures off your phone after sending and/or receiving them. The only thing worse than your son’s teacher getting a picture of your ass is your children picking up your phone and seeing your ass. DISCRETION people. Discretion is key.

5) And finally, ALWAYS be prepared to follow through with whatever it is you are proposing via sext. You could have a VERY horny partner coming through the door at the end of the day and you need to be ready to make good on all your sextiness.

Using these tips, you can transform a lackluster, less-than erotic day into the stuff of wet dreams. Just because we are married, with children, doesn’t mean we can’t still have a little fun. And nowadays, we can use ANYTHING that we can get to keep the spark alive, am I right?

So put the kids down for a nap, whip out your phone and send your man (or woman) some erotic suggestions. It can be as simple as “I can’t wait to make sweet love to you tonight” or as creatively baudy as “I want you to lick my clit until I squirt all over your face and then I’m gonna suck your cock dry.”

You know, whatever floats your boat.